janebravo

The Right Kind of Wrongs

2011-09-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

Why is it - that Life seems to test just us ordinary people...
It happens everyday. Don't you think?

Someone asks you to tell a little lie. No harm done, right?
You'll tell it.
Something gives you a chance to make that extra buck without anyone finding out. Hey, it's not like you're taking it from someone else's pocket, hmmm?
You make the extra buck.

You find yourself in a spot where only cheating someone can make it better for you.
You'll cheat right away, no one will ever know, right?

The human mind in so complicated and so simple. We can easily convince our self that something wrong is right.
The right kinda wrong - and all the other nice ways to say it... we can bring all the logic, we can do all the mathematics, we can find all the right reasons, and we can get so used to it - get so used to killing our conscious.
We evolve into a person who can justify absolutely any wrong done - because it works for us, for our life, our goals, our dreams.

But if you think about it - and no, you don't need to admit this to anyone - but admit it to your self - and it will change you.

Anything wrong you do, no matter how small, no matter how hidden - cuts out a little bit of the child in you, kills a little bit of kindness in you, hardens a little bit of the heart in you. And at the end of it all, you will have taken all the shortcuts, told all the lies, gotten all the gains. But will you like who you become along the way? Will you not miss the innocence that only a truth can bring, the sweetness only earning something can bring, the satisfaction only doing the right thing can give you?

It makes no difference to me, or my life in the long run... but the little things you will do - will make the biggest difference in your Life and who You eventually become.

It's never too late to change your mind, or your heart.
Do it while you can still feel.

~ Jane Bravo

My translation of a thousands of desires, each one I could die for...

2011-02-27T21:13:00.000-08:00

...hazaaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dum nikle
bahot nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle...

Thousands of desires, each one I could die for. Many of them I have fulfilled, but I still yearn for more. I died at the hands of a lover (my killer), why should he be afraid? No one will hold him responsible for my fate. Or for these bloody tears which will continuously flow through my eyes all of my life. Haven't we all heard of Adam disgraced out of Heaven? It is with more humiliation that I am leaving the streets of my lover. You killed me, but no one will know, unless I accidentally let my hair slip out of my scarf. Because things slip out sometimes, and we can not hide the truth from all people for all of time. Though the truth is complicated, and no one will believe it.
And if ever someone wants to write you a letter, tell them to ask me to write it to you.
I've been carrying my pen with me everywhere now, because there is still so much I have to say to you, so much I left unsaid.
When it was all over, I sang many whiskey lullabies to myself, until my whole universe was floating inside one big intoxication. I expected you to help me when I was weak, when I was in such a bad state; but then I realized: you are perhaps more injured than I.
Love is so cruel?
Life and death feel the same in love, there is nothing different, because we stay alive by looking for the traitor for whom we are willing to die. You should try to put a hand on your heart and pull the arrow out... fast. But remember, with this arrow your heart will come out too... and with your heart gone, your life will be no more.
So, control yourself when you want to scream to the world and announce your secrets: traitors are not supposed be lovers. Just like the preacher and the addict have different doors, but I can see him enter the bar just as I leave it.

Thousands of desires, each one I could die for. Many of them I have fulfilled, but I still yearn for more.

Dear readers,

This is my translation of the beautiful poetry of Ghalib.
I doubt I have been able to do proper poetic justice... the words are best understood in the language they were written in. The first two lines are perhaps the most profound and famous in literary circles around the world - they capture the essence of man's desires, and how desire, like passion, all-consuming, and has no end.

I look forward to reading your comments.

- JB

Step away from the line, and no body gets hurt.

2010-12-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how often all of our most passionate actions and feelings in Life are divided and defined by a small, almost non-descript, very-stupid, hardly-distinguishable "thin" line?

It annoys me.

I detest it.

For me, the thin line represents where all the dots connect and lead to. It is where the chaos begins.

The thin line defines the actual choice I have to make.

I hate the definition. But the definition is important.

I hate making a choice. There is something depressingly dramatic about choosing between the side I have to take and the side I can't take.

I hate goodbyes too. But, that is another topic altogether...

The thin line is the divider. The "other" side.

One side a positive end, the other its negative extreme.

Who made up Life's thin lines anyway?

I hate the thin line more than I hate being alone on a rainy day. Some people will agree with me, there is nothing worse than being alone on a rainy day. Others will say I chose to be alone by my own accord, so no one is to blame but me. These people are like the thin line. They annoy me as much as the thin line.

Take for example, exhibit A: the Heaven and Hell 'set'...

One little step over that thin line takes you up, up, and away - leading to eternal bliss and what not... yeah, right. Go over the thin line in the opposite direction, and it's all fall down in to a raging volcano of eternal damnation Humpty Dumpty style. I suppose it's true then? There is an Angel and a Demon in all of us - and there's just a thin line dividing the two too.

What of, exhibit B: Fondness and Contempt?

A mere sliver of absence over the thin dividing line makes us fonder. While a tiny pinch of familiarity in the other direction over to the other side breeds contempt. Flip sides and you have turned something you were so fond of to something you are oh-so-forgetful about. It's all in your mind? No, it's all in the line.

Then we have everyone's favourite one, exhibit C: the Love and Hate 'combo'.

They say fools rush in... in Love.

I say, fools rush in - in Love and in Hate. With exactly the same speed. Most of the time it's deathly 500 miles per hour in the wrong lane. Passion is the root cause, the accidents it instigates at 500 miles per hour in the wrong lane... and Passion, like us, is defined by the line - which way do you cross it?

It's Passion, you know, pumping the heart to Love harder, and then Passion again feeding fat to grudges making them bigger. One man's love, can be another man's hate.

What am I saying? I almost don't know. But there is no such thing as almost - ever wonder why?

The thin line is very thin - but it defines one thing from the other - hence, there is no such thing as almost. You can't be almost dead, for example. You either are dead, or you are alive.

Life[place thin line here]Death.

-JB

As good as it gets...

2010-11-21T15:43:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine dedicated her status update to her husband today.
In a few words she managed to capture a universe of feelings and emotions. It read,

My husband has made me laugh. Wiped my tears. Hugged me tight. Watched me succeed. Seen me fail. Cheered me on. Kept me going. He is a promise from God, that I will always have a friend.

Real relationships are not anything like the fictional romance we see on TV and read about in steamy novels. Real love is like your favourite worn-out t-shirt... A piece of clothing you own, like something you know like the back of your hand, you can find it, recognize it in the dark just by feeling it, just by a touch. You miss it when it's not with you. It may have been for years, but the years feel like a lifetime... some relationships remain unchanged by time - from the day they begin till the end of life as we know it. These are the relationships that feel like your favourite old t-shirt. One where there are parts of the fabric more used than the other, and patches that are worn out with time and daily use; a little canvas almost, where every stain is a memory captured, every mark is a moment engraved in your mind. And just like some of our strongest, most-treasured relationships, the surface of the fabric may have loosened over time... still, although it has loosened, that flexibility somehow maintains a special, unique comfort, a very binding security within the fibers of that very fabric's core. It is such relationships that bring a warmth to our hearts that no other can bring.

-JB

Borderline.

2010-10-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

...I think I just want to show - that every body hurts, and anyone can break sometimes...
I know a girl who is hurting right now. And all the hurt is changing her - and it's making her stronger, in the way she hates to become stronger - but she has always been very strong - and she has survived many avalanches, and floods, and earthquakes, and tsunamis - so she will survive this one too. There is so much confusion - so many things from the past and the present merging together. Just right now - she is feeling so tired... feeling dizzy with all the hurt and the names she's been called... It's making her sick inside... and it hurts right now... but, she will be OK - because she needs to be OK for herself, she needs to be brave, and strong - because she loves herself, even when the whole world doesn't love her.
Even if there is no one who understands her - she understands her - and she loves herself unconditionally.
She didn't sleep well last night - and her head is hurting so much... feels like it's going to explode inside.
She feels so tired, so tired - she can't even find another word for tired.
Life is so good to her, but it is so hard with her - there is a price to pay for every thing.
She has to work so hard in everyway - and when she gets sad, things just don't go well - everything begins to fall apart. Like everything today. But she will fix all the things that are falling apart - because she has dealt with so many hurts, she has healed herself so many times. She will get out of this hurt - like a phoenix that burns and then grows again from its own ashes.
She is not a victim. She is a survivor.
She will survive - the only way she knows how - when the worst way is the best way... where there are epic greys and never any black and white.

Be strong, my dear... everything will be OK in the end; if it's not OK, it's not the end.

-JB

Victorious Secret Model

2010-10-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

When you do your best, don't second guess your moves.

Whatever you win is a victory - be happy, be grateful.

Don't worry about the what-ifs.

Everyone can't win gold. You tried. Be proud of yourself.

When you win something - you are a winner!

Did you know the girl who won the bronze medal will always be happier than the girl who won the silver medal?

Because the girl who won bronze 'made it' - a second, an inch, a moment could have made the difference between her winning bronze and winning nothing...

The girl who won silver is better than the girl who won bronze, but she'll spend her time wondering what-if she had done just a little bit better, she could have won gold...?

And the girl who won gold - will never be happy after winning the gold.

Because now she can never go back to bronze or silver.

So, if you only won bronze - it's okay. Be happy, be grateful, enjoy it.

Every thing happens for a reason. As long as you won something, you're a winner.

-JB

One Hundred Things I Like (in no particular order) -

2010-08-27T12:17:00.000-07:00

High heels

The concept of soul mates

Eating a meal with my family

Pretty Woman (the movie)

Sunlight (natural light)

People who are self-aware

Revenge

Serendipity (the happy coincidence, and the movie)

Cooking with real chillies instead of chillie powder

Being barefoot

Holding my children close to me

Old buildings/ architecture

Coloured lights

Watching a sunrise (more than a sunset)

Feeling the sand in my toes at a beach

Laughing

Writing with a pencil (instead of a pen)

Andy Warhol

Painting

The colour Red

Silver more than Gold

Black & White shoes

Brown paper bags (because they make the crumpling sound)

Cheetos

Coke (never Diet Coke)

White wine

Marilyn Monroe

Strawberries, cherries, and lychees. Also grapes, watermelon, kiwi.

Wearing lipstick

Miracle (the scent)

Christmas trees that are decorated

Cooking

Taking pictures with my phone of little every day things

Listening to music and breaking in to a dance

The concept and belief that there is a Higher Power

Living

Tasting things on my tongue

Madonna

Chocolate

Watching plays

The Fountainhead

Driving really fast on a good road

Being in water (specially with clothes on)

Walk barefoot

Lamps and lanterns and candles

Talking to people

Hugging more than kissing

People who smell nice

Mushrooms

The concept of fairies and pixies

Harry Potter

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole

Bright coloured bed sheets

Murals

Whipped cream

Getting manicures and pedicures

Yoga

Traveling around the world

Reading about mythology

Dinosaurs

The Flintstones

Hats instead of sunglasses

Black-tinted black cars

Cats

Camel rides

Walking in a park

Soap (not shower gel)

Vanilla Incense-sticks

Mirrors

Sushi

Sweet mangoes

“Daal Chawal”

Tom Yam Goong soup

Plants with interesting shaped leaves

Trees (all kinds)

Dates (the fruit)

Cashew nuts

Honesty

Loyalty

The concept of Good Karma

The sea

Meteora Greece

My lips and my eyes

People who are brave enough to love themselves

Home-made Lemonade

Autobiographies

Cheeses

Champagne

Olives

Red polish

Flamingos

Tea cups and saucers

Cold water to drink

80’s music

Boat rides

The colour of my skin

SlumDog Millionaire

Fairytales

Cheap Indian music

Long flowing figure-hugging dresses

This is a self-awareness excercise I do once every year.

Try listing down 100 things you really like - you will enjoy it - find out what are a few of your favourite things :)

-JB

Aunty Agony - The Aunty #1

2010-08-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

Misery loves company - and if you're miserable you should go talk to the Problem Solver Extraordinaire - AUNTY AGONY.

Aunty Agony is a facebook page run by a Miss Know-It-All.
Simply 'click' on the title of this post item to go to Aunty Agony - and get your solutions.

Promote it. Join it.
Live. Laugh. Love.

-JB

Hang, man!

2010-08-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

Relationships are simple - whether based on Love, Friendship, Family...

All relationships are like two people holding a piece of rope at each end.
Sometimes the rope becomes longer, that's when the distance between them is greater.
They are far apart, but they're still together... holding on to the rope.
The rope is the bond.

Sometimes the rope becomes short, and they come closer. That is when there is very little or no distance between the two. They are together, close - united.

The important thing is that two people in a relatonship keep holding on to the rope - whether it is long or short... if one of them drops their end of the rope the relationship ends. So, hold on to your ends when you are far apart... and hold on to each other when you are close together.

-JB

The Three Little Words

2010-07-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

Here is Jane Bravo's take on the Top 5 "Three Special Words" (in no particular order) - we have all at some point in our lives said them, and heard them. And at those points in our lives - these words made us who we are :)

JUST DO IT! - the three most motivational words. Usually uttered by the winners, the risk-takers, the do-ers (often the dreamers say these three words too).

YOU ARE PERFECT - the three most-wanted words everyone believes about themselves. Your parents will tell you this, your loving spouse will tell you this, and sometimes you will tell yourself this. You will always believe these three words to be true.

LET'S GET NAKED!? The three most candid words you will ever hear (as opposed to other words that are attempts to get you down to your birthday-suit, but don't really manage to send the correct indication of intention, perhaps?) These three words are usually used (and/or heard) by people between the ages of 16 to 50 years during pursuit of some "booty". Incidentally, these same three words may be used on you when you are at the doctor's for a medical checkup too.

I LOVE YOU - the three most favourite words in the world *sigh* These three words are the best lie you ever hear, or they are the greatest three words you'll ever feel; Either way, whenever someone says these three words to you, you will believe in Love and love hearing them every single time...

DON'T TRUST ANYONE - The three wisest words - the old wise ones will tell you these. And they are right: don't trust anyone! Sadly, you wont believe the wise ones when they tell you... you won't believe these three words till you are older and wiser... and then you'll be telling some foolish young thing these same three words!

You will be your own wise guy then ;)

-JB

Burn, baby, burn.

2010-07-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

Life is a choice, not a chance...

And if you want Caramel - you got to burn some Sugar, baby!

-JB

I am Pakistani.

2010-06-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

Most days, it is not a good feeling to be a Pakistani, whether you are a Pakistani in Pakistan, or a Pakistani anywhere else...

I am a Pakistani - in Pakistan... We have pockets of different social cultures here, each doing it's own two bits, feeling (trying to feel, rather) superior to the other social circles and social cultures here. Each one is an extreme: too religious, or too blatant, or too modern, or too radical, or too relaxed, or too uneducated, or too educated, too rich, or too poor - the disbalance is obvious and it is everywhere you look. I feel like an alien in my own country in most parts of Pakistan. People are judgemental here - if you can't do something their way: it is wrong. It is OK to be diverse - we should be united in our diversity.

I am a Pakistani - out of Pakistan... The different religions, peoples, cultures I come across in places out of Pakistan are so different from us - their social and communal systems work - they respect each other within the fraternity and people who are from different backgrounds all the same - it doesn't matter if they are different: with different social beliefs, different lifestyles, different ways to do things - everyone does their own thing, everyone is happy, everyone is open to other ideas, ways - and no one is judged for doing something differently.

I am a Pakistani? And I don't know what Pakistan is all about... In a country that is full of such diversity - I feel sad to see the social 'wars' attempting to suffocate, strangle, and kill us all. We are Muslims in majority - and yet our religion is now all about extremes, what about the message of 'Peace'? Is that not the core of Islam? I am wondering now what to do with all my rich ancient Mughul history, and the beautiful progressive modern-day pop music that is listened to and liked around the world – we gave the world Pappu Saaein and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan - did we not? And yet we are viewed not as a hub of culture and art, but as a disastrous nation on the brink of many failures, promoting corruption and disolving itself by itself; We have many things of value, from our world famous sportsmen to our inspirational Sufis, and their works - but we do not value all this - we only want to conquer each other, not the world! We could spread a positive image of Pakistan: if nothing else, we have a dynamic history that reflects in our landmarks that represent our national spirit, and how we can celebrate all our festivals and our holidays - without killing and traumatizing the minorities and our other Muslim sects. There is so much to 'show and tell' about Pakistan to the world - the values that we imbibe, and our age-old traditions, but we as Pakistanis have forgotten all this - we only remember to be selfish extremists. People here think their beliefs, their systems are the best - people who will go to all lengths to display their superiority - be it by killing minorities, or by not giving women their human rights, or by banning things for the masses but making it OK for the rich and influential to do the same things openly.

I am a Pakistani. And I live in a country which does not give a man the right to sue for the wrong done to him - because the legal system does not work. I live in a country which does not give me water in my taps - because there is a water-tanker mafia I have to bow down to. I live in a country where my lights go out five times a day - because there is no way to make the system work, and no one to hold accountable. I live in a country where children beg on the streets, where minorities are raped and murdered. I live in a country where people are abused in a variety of ways - but there is no legal system to help them. I live in a country where the VIP can get away with murder and also stop traffic for hours so that the streets are clear when he is on them. I live in a country where when I see a policeman or a police car, I want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction - because they are evil and corrupt.

I am a Pakistani.

And right now I am wondering how to feel proud about it.

- JB

Life's a Gamble. Let's Ramble.

2010-04-28T04:02:00.000-07:00

No one said it would be easy - this Life...
But I don't remember anyone ever saying it could be so hard either.
Life has often made me feel like a sideline - I'm like the extra item on someone's plate. I'm the baked potato or the salad - that comes with the deal. You didn't really need it on your plate, but it's there, so you'll have it with the rest of your meal anyway.

I go through life making mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. Each one grander than the last - I make mistakes all the time. Big ones, small ones, stupid ones, damaging ones, irresponsible ones... I make lots and lots and lots of mistakes - mistakes here, there, and everywhere...

I go through life making the same mistakes - over and over and over... I am such a fool. I cry, I bleed, I hurt, I fall, I scream, I run, I crumble, and tumble, and am often lost - over and over and over again. Why do I never learn? Good question, and no answer.

What hurts the most? I don't know. All I know is that I hurt, inside and outside - and on the inside of the inside: like, my soul hurts, my soul cries, and bleeds - there is so much pain that it numbs me to everything else - it is like someone switched all my senses off - the physical ones and the other ones.

I go through all my mistakes - and I am standing at a breaking point right now... indecisive, and lost. I am willing myself, I am patting myself on the back, I am hooting myself on - 'You can do it, baby!' and I'm hoping that I will not make anymore mistakes that hurt so hard... I am hoping that somehow someday at some point I will see how I didn't make the mistakes, that the mistakes made ME.

So, go on, Life, make a Fool of me again. Go on, Love, break my Soul again. Go on, Hope, save my Thoughts again. Go on, Dreams, help me Live again. Go on, Fate, make my Plans again. Go on Nerves, hold me tight again. And go on, Heart... be of Gold again.

-JB

Ooooh Baby, Baby, it's a Wild World... Just Be Good.

2010-04-02T03:34:00.000-07:00

I’ve been through many trials and tribulations at the hands of people who have been close to me in this Life. And *if* I have learnt one thing - it is the balance of Good and Bad in every single person. No one is Good all the time, and no one is Bad all the time. I often *try to* seek the good in the people around me, especially when they are not good to me. It’s a weird practice, yes – but... I believe there is equal measure of good and bad in every person. And I often feel *now*, that for every Vice of ours we carry a Virtue within us. I feel now, that in a world that is full of Evil, they are some definite rays of Hope in the ashes.
Classical Greek philosophers (I am not an authority on the Greeks, but I like how they thought) considered the Foremost Virtues to be Prudence, Temperance, Courage, and Justice. Hmmm.

Early Christian Church theologians followed these virtues too.

They believed these virtues to be equally important to all people; whether they were Christian or non-Christian. Sort of like A Life Philosophy for everyone from every faith - this is the fringe, the outline of all your beliefs, the very foundations of your entire Belief System as a human being; Even if you do not believe in religion and in God; this is the code you have to crack - to insert goodness into your Self, your Life, your Idealogy.

The best three things in Life - Love, Hope, Faith.

Love, Hope, and Faith were defined by St. Paul as the three chief virtues. This being the essential nature of God and our belief in the Higher Power (even Fate, if we do not believe in God). These are the exact virtues we all embody when we are down. Are they not?

I never thought about it before but... every Sin had a Contrary Virtue...
Seven Sins and Seven Virtues… *wow* (I like it so far):
For Pride there is Humility.

For Envy there is Kindness.

For Gluttony there is Abstinence.

For Lust there is Chastity.

For Anger there is Patience.

For Greed there is Liberality.

For Sloth there is Diligence.

Interestingly enough the Seven Contrary Virtues were derived from the "Psychomachia"- literally meaning "Battle for the Soul" – this is an epic poem written by Prudentius – it was written a long, long, long time ago... it's so well titled, I think - Life is a Constant Battle for our Soul.

Know that for every sin within your mind, you hold the counter virtue in your heart.
The Power was always in your Senses. You just never thought about it.

Never let go of Love, Hope and Faith.

-JB

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears? Oh my.

2010-03-06T05:24:00.000-08:00

"Lions, and tigers, and bears... oh my!" said Dorothy... As she made her way through an enchanted forest, towards the Emerald City, to see the Wizard of Oz.
She was with the Tin-Man, the Scare-Crow, and the Cowardly Lion.
She was scared, she was tired, but she was with friends... So, she convinced herself she was safe. That's what friends do. Make you Feel.
They make you feel safe - when you're scared.
They make you feel strong - when you feel weak.
They make you feel confident - when you're insecure.

I like that story. I remember watching it for the first time on video in the late 80s. "Somewhere over the rainbow..."
The movie was all black & white, and then turns to a million-multi-coloured visual when the yellow brick road begins. There are munchkins in munchkin land, and a Witch that dies when Dorothy's flying house falls on her, just in time to save the munchkins from the worst kinds of evil... Dorothy wants to get home with Toto - her cute (but useless) little dog.

The Good Fairy gives her the Ruby Slippers (from the dead witch) before the other Bad Witch is able to take them. The Bad Witch spends the entire story trying to get the Ruby Slippers back. But not even the Evil Flying Monkeys can get them off Dorothy. So... they fly her to the Witch's castle - where the Witch meets her end at the hands of Dorothy. Dorothy now only wants to get home - back to Aunt Em...

She keeps following the Yellow Brick Road.
Determined.
The yellow brick road is the path to Emerald City.

The Emerald City representing a place of Peace, and Happiness - where all your wishes will be granted. Where everything you dream comes true...

The Wizard of Oz, the Superman (of sorts) - the Maker-of-wishes-coming-True - reveals that the Ruby Red Slippers... the power to make her dream come true, was already (and always) with Dorothy - she just never knew it.

Life is a Journey.
Life is a Momentum.
Life is a journey, of many moments - inter-linked and inter-locked, like a lattice growing together.
We forget what we have.
We forget our strengths - till we have friends who help us, help us solve the riddles... walk the Yellow brick road, with us.
Like Dorothy, I go from one moment to the next moment - one journey to the next journey.

And to be completely honest... I did not know how to get to where I am standing right now. I wanted to be here, get here, and I did not know the way at all.
But, I reached somehow, falling, running, bruising, weeping... I got here.
This is where I wanted to be? I am not sure.
This is where Fate brought me.
This is where I was supposed to be standing right now.
How to go beyond here?
That is something I know well.
That is something I have learnt a long, long time ago.
That is something I am not afraid of.

-JB

Special is a Big Deal

2010-02-27T06:31:00.000-08:00

Making your special people feel special is very challenging, but very important.

Everyone has had a hard time at some point in their lives. Including you.

But, some people had it worse than you; let them feel they are more important than anything else to you; that they are special.
They will love you for it. In every sense of the word.

And they will love you forever.

Saying you love them is not enough for them.

They need signs all the time.

They have little faith left in people - even the people close to them have let them down.

Don’t demean them in front of other people; they are already hurting inside, heal them if you can.

They are already insecure, they need your support, they need your love. And they think it is their right because you said you love them. Did you really mean it when you said it?

They will never know how to tell you what they are really feeling.

Understand them. Don't analyse them.

They will do the exact opposite of eveything you think they will do, or should do, can do - it is because they want to feel stronger; and become stronger, and feel secure. They will never admit that they depend on you in any way, for anything.

They are so used to rejection, and people denying them what they need to have - they will not expect you to be nice. Ever. Be nice all the time. Surprise them.

In fact, they will give you every reason to be mean to them, to lash out at them, to behave in an egotistical and rude way – they believe they are safer alone, but they are not happy that way, and they never feel safe.

Don’t buy the things they throw out at you – if you love them, show them you do. What is holding you back?

Show them - that no matter what, you will be standing right there.
Let your Ego go.

If you truly think they are special - make them feel they are that special.

If these people are important to you.
Show them.

If they are not important...
Don't tell them they are. Why bother? Unless you are trying to trick them...

They don’t want to know that they are important. They won't believe you with just words and flowers. They want to feel they are important to you. They only believe in proof now.

Do they give you something? Do they make you happy?
Do they bring something special to your life?

Do you claim to LOVE them?
If you have answered Yes to all these questions - these people may be very important to you.
They will reach out to you in their own twisted ways.

Because they have been duped so many times before you came along.

Real life is very real for them.

So, please don’t try to make them user-friendly.

Don’t try to make them house-broken.

They wont do it.
They’ve built walls around themselves – they’ve built these walls to see who will have the faith in them, and the love for them, to break these walls down and be with them against all odds.

They haven't put up these walls to keep people out.

They just want to make sure that the only people they let in are the ones they matter to. Those are the only people that matter to them.

No one else is important to them.

Their life is important to them, and their love is most important to them - their definition of love, that is.

So love them if they matter to you.
Love them the way they want to be loved.
Don’t love them when it suits you.
Don't love them to feel good about yourself.
They won't care for such feelings.
Because, they want genuine goods only.
You can't fool them; you can't buy them.

Don't try. They will hate you for it.

They have already lost everything; they have nothing left to loose.

Love them unconditonally.
And understand what both those word mean - Unconditional, and Love.

By the time you finish reading this you will know what you need to do. And what you want to do.

You can either be Happy, or be Right.

There is no Third Option.

Choose.

Someone Special is a Big Deal - don't take them lightly.

If you do take them lightly, they aren't that special.

-JB

Life and Something Immortal.

2010-02-25T04:56:00.000-08:00

Life is like a Mission - in the end, it is Accomplished.
Life is like 'something' - a good 'something' most of the time.
Life is a book. Every chapter brings a new twist.
Life is a Sale. Everything looks like it's worth the price.
Life is like a Facebook status update. Everyone reads something different in it.
Life is like Sushi. Everyone doesn't like it.
Life is like a Tango - you need a good partner.
Life is like a Birthday - you Celebrate when it happens.
Life is a Dream - and you keep waking up.
Life is a Drama - we all play our parts.
Life is like a Rockstar - and will eventually die of having too much fun.
Life is a Guru - it teaches you to examine yourself.
Life is a walk in the park - and the weather keeps changing.
Life is a Dance - you have to repeat some of the steps according to the rhythm.
Life is very basic Mathematics - learn to count your blessings.
Life is all about Chances - the ones you Give and the ones you Take.

And my favourite one -

Life is True Love; it can not have a happy ending.

- JB

Dearly Departed

2010-01-25T08:02:00.000-08:00

You said it wasn't a Game -

But, then you said - I won?

Wish you'd taken aim,

And fired some gun.

I Hate something

About You -

My heart will no longer sing

Songs of You...

Eternal dreams

Will remain,

of sunbeams

And rain.

I Hate You

For who You are -

You were somewhat

Close to par.

I Wish this was Wrong

But it is True.

Guess I should be Strong -

Guess I should Hate You.

-JB

Testing... 1 - 2 - 3...

2010-01-16T00:53:00.000-08:00

Question 1 - How do we test our Breaking Point?

Answer - No one really wants to test their breaking point - I think.

I know.

I am sure - no one tests their own breaking point. I have never wanted to explore what can and will break me. I am pretty sure neither do you?

Yet we love testing (and breaking) the people we claim we love.

I guess, it's the people who convince you they love you. They somehow develop the ability, and think they have the right, to test you in inhuman ways. They know exactly how you can break, how you will break, what can break you, how long it will take to break you, how long you will take to break, and what exactly will play the final inhuman punches and blows as you finally snap, crackle, and pop before their very eyes, in a most human fashion.

I could use a variety of terms to describe what a breaking point would mean from my perspective, but I feel, "Ground Zero" captures the true essence of the term. Like, the twin towers were flattened to ground zero after planes crashed in them - leaving nothing but terror, disaster, destruction, ruin, chaos, immobility, pain, death, sadness.

Breaking Point?

No. Broken Point.

As I delve further into my mind and feelings I find a more complex and interesting facet to the whole thing: Although we set our own limits, we never test them. When the people (we love deeply) test these limits - we expand our limits for them - because we love them. Like a balloon that we keep inflating, it's elastic can only hold so much air - it will eventually burst into little pieces of coloured rubber. Like, a glass that is already full to the brim - and we keep filling it with more and more liquid till it spills over in to one great big mess. We give, and budge, and spread, and mold, and expand, and then some - to the point where we reach our personal breaking point.

Question 2 - How many times can you recover after a Broken Point?

Answer - I have no idea.

-JB

Dancing in the Darkness.

2010-01-13T08:04:00.001-08:00

'The most important experiences a person can have are those that take him to the very limit; that is the only way we learn, because it requires all our courage.'- Paulo Coelho'

We are all dreamers by nature - each and every one of us. Even the ones who deny that they have dreams, have dreams. We all dream of things beyond our reach, things which we know we cannot have, cannot own - yet, we still want to have them, own them, reach them somehow. And we pursue these dreams like a trout swimming against the current - using every bit of our will, our strength, our courage. We spend a great part of our adult life just dreaming - changing our circumstances, bending our rules, pushing our limits, fighting our battles - just to make a handful of our dreams come true somehow, someday.
I remember a day when I dreamt of things I thought were 'big things' - things beyond my reach... and one day, I got my 'big things'; but then I dreamt again, dreamt of 'bigger' things, things that were impossible - and so, the dreaming continued.
We don't realise that every day we spend on this Earth takes us one moment closer to our end - our physical death. Yet we live each day searching for ways to make our dreams come true, we waste our breath searching for days that will take our breath away - that is exactly how our Stairway to Heaven ends up leading us to our Highway to Hell...
And somedays are just plain painful; Like, falling and cracking your skull open, and still remaining conscious as they stitch it all back together, without any pain relief medication; because there is no medication for some kinds of Pain that you encounter in this Life.
Other days are hard; Like, cold, jagged stone that you are to walk on barefoot - in the end, your feet stand bruised and bleeding, and you are surprised you are still standing tall, even if you are shaking a little bit, even if your very soul is trembling from within.
And then some days are like a place where Time stands still - you feel dead. Lost. These are the numb sort of days. When you feel so much, that you feel nothing.
There are days too, that go by so fast; Like, time literally flies by - whooshing past you, and you try your hardest to stand still in the whirlpool around you, trying not to drown and be forgotten to yourself.
There are the worst of times - where you stand still in a different way, like a one-man army, not ready for defeat and disaster - just as if you were going through Hell, hoping the scorching whirlwind will blow away as fast as it can, before it turns you and all your Hopes to dust and ashes.
There are the good days too - the Heaven-sent ones, the ones you Live for, wait for - the ones you stand still through for a different reason; so that you can absorb each and every little drop and vapour of the joy, the bliss. You embody it, you embrace it, you commit it to your memory bank - so that you can dig it out in the future to warm your inner most Heart and Soul.

- JB

"Only Hope"

2010-01-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul -

It's the one that I've tried to write over, and over again...

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But You sing to me over and over and over again.

Sing to me the song of the stars.

Of Your galaxy dancing, and laughing, and laughing again...

When it feels like my dreams are so far.

Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again?

I give You my destiny.

I'm giving You all of me.

I want Your symphony,

Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs,

I'm giving it back...

So I lay my head back down,

And I lift my hands and pray,

To be only yours

I pray, to be only yours.

I know now - you're my only hope.

"Only Hope" is written by Switchfoot. I love the innocence in the words; like a child feeling loved, feeling happy. Trusting and loving - forever unconditionally.

-JB

JB's Exclusive A to Z of 2009

2009-12-28T02:22:00.000-08:00

A - Ace - Numero Uno - Me.
B - My Buddha - my Mom - she is the real deal.
C - My Castles - my space, and my food for thought.

D - The Dees - my most precious assets.

E - Emotional Baggage - learning to let it all go - usually failing miserably.

F - My Faith - kept most of me together thru all the chaos...

G - Good Deeds - one done every single month :D *yess!*

H - Hugs - they fixed everything that went wrong. Instantly.

I - Ib - who taught me the joys of Ben Ten and many other things in 2009

J - Jumping to assumptions, and getting hurt.

K - Kisses - all kinds ;)

L - Love - my battle continues.

M - Mars - who reminded me how important I am, every single time we met.

N - My Nimbus - the shining cloud - that helped me float thru some really bad days.

O - Oz - a person who can dive with turtles - can make you feel special when you need to most.

P - Promises - a season, a reason, a lifetime...

Q - Question Marks - a few still left for 2010

R - Rasna II - my brand-spankin' new car - *grinning*

S - Smile Therapy - more than I could've, should've, would've...

T - Tequila - at times when life gave me lemons.

U - Understanding - the difference, and myself, some more.

V - Vendetta - Revenge was best - served cold.

W - for Whining, Winning, and Wine-ing!

X - Xanthippe - I was, some days...

Y - Yo-Yos - The Crazy Ones - who made 2009 pretty darn challenging and fun.

Z - Zen - and my Art of Fairytale Maintenance.

Here's to 2010 - Let us Live, Laugh, Love... some more.

Cheers!

- JB

Heaven Can Wait.

2009-11-07T04:58:00.000-08:00

Usually we’re just alone, we spend a great part of our life alone; we like to pretend we aren’t alone, but we are... don't let it kill you.

Life is a car you’re driving. You choose how you drive it. It’s your car. You are in control.

Learn how to drive it without fear before you kill your dreams.

Sometimes you’re taking it slow, or going faster than you should. Sometimes you just want to run away from those headlights you see behind you, you want to run and hide away from it all, or maybe just drive as fast as you can to get to the other side… You go as fast as you can, afraid, alone, tired of the drive already, you keep pressing on the gas trying to get out of it – knowing in some little corner of your heart that you will make it through somehow, some day, somewhere…

Sometimes you take a wrong turn, or you get into the wrong lane; and before you know it, you’re doing 100km/hr in the wrong lane – with no one there, no co-pilot, just you – in auto-pilot mode, looking but not seeing, hurting and trying not to feel. You keep going on – knowing this’ll all end, and it will all be set right eventually.

You believe you'll make it, take a right turn somewhere, find your way, find your place, your path, where you are supposed to be - exactly when you are supposed to get there. You’ll make it out okay – you believe that – no matter what - because you’ve got your seatbelt on, you kept your faith with you the whole time.

Faith is the Seatbelt when you’re driving Life – Your seatbelt that holds you. That saves you - when you need to be saved and nothing else can save you.

Someday when you’re taking a drive in the car of your dreams, living the life of your dreams, you’ll look back on that terrifying time when you’d gotten lost on the way to get to here; when it was dark, you drove through the Hell really fast, just because you had enough faith in yourself, in your future. You remember that light you'd seen then at the end of the darkness surrounding your car – that light was what you were headed towards – that light was YOU, that was the light of your dreams coming alive, that is the place you drove yourself to be.

Keep the Faith. Don't let the drive kill you. Heaven will wait.

-JB

just 4 random thoughts together...

2009-09-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

Choose - Your Soul is the spark... It lights the path of your Life - the path you walk on, the walk you go through; it leads you into the light, or into darkness. When something good or bad touches you, it is your soul that takes on the light of that very glow and leads you to the next place and time. Look into your heart and you know - see - the light you are following, the light that is guiding you - the light that you are becoming; You can be the sunshine - or you can be the darkness - choose - for yourself.

Control - Wear your shoes, but don't forget the ground beneath them, the surface that you exist upon. Shoes may be there to protect you from the thorns, the rocks in your path; but they will also never let you feel the springy grass beneath your soles on the sunny happier days - so let there be days when you let your soles go, and let your soul get drenched in the rain and the sunshine!

Believe - Some days are just plain painful - It's almost as if life is purposely removing the props you intricately arranged around yourself, the very things that made-up your comfort zone. Life will upset you. Life will provoke you. Just let the spark be. Leave that light on - let it guide you, love you, hide you, thrill you, hold you, help you.

Reversal - About getting breaks in Life - Some of us may see them as break-downs, when in reality they may be the break-throughs that you needed most...

- JB

Risk Factors –

2009-09-04T05:30:00.000-07:00

To eat an egg, you must break the shell.
~Jamaican Proverb

I don't want to be the one who changes, or makes a change, just for the sake of change.

Neither do I want to be the one who watches life pass by - simply because one’s grown comfortable and complacent. With these thoughts in my mind, I recently questioned the cause and effects of taking a risk...

Why do we take a risk? Why do we call it a ‘chance’? - Because it’s a chance to become, BE, something more, to go beyond... A risk is taken to gain something; for something we believe in – even if we know there is a 50% chance that we may not get our dream. When we fight against reason, society, logic, ethics, norms, rational thought – just to fulfill a dream, our goal, we do it to make our dream a reality. But what are we doing/ thinking if we are taking a risk without a purpose, nothing to gain from it - What is the return on the investment of all the pains, tears, fears, blood, and toil? Does it please you, pleasure you in the end? – should we take a risk that will lead us no-where?

I believe the point of taking a risk is to feel good, great, happy… Feel alive.
So much so, that when you make it through to the other side you feel a sense of pride, joy, immense peace; You feel complete; resolved – Like, you want to scream from the highest mountain-top, you want to jump from the tallest waterfall knowing you can land safely – because you took that one risk; you gained so much freedom of spirit, your passion doubled – You reaffirmed your value in your own eyes, in the eyes of those who matter, and earn the highest sense of respect and belief in your Self.

Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to preserve it. Has it ever been said that a man who throws himself out the window to escape from a fire is guilty of suicide? ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I think… If one is not happy taking the risk – it defeats the purpose of the risk – there is no cause, and so, no effect. There is literally no reason for one to take such a risk!

What’s in it for You?

I see people around me who have passionately pursued their dreams and failed at them. The silver lining - They are the ones who have lived a complete, much more fulfilling life. Compare them to the ones who shelved their dreams – They were so afraid to be laughed at, the thought of failure made them anxious. They have no passion for life left in them, simply because they never took a chance, a risk that meant something to them; something that would complete them.

Yes, risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking. ~Tim McMahon

Life is a synonym for Adventure. Take a chance to Live.
~Jane Bravo

A Poison to Love.

2009-08-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

There are Poisons in this life that go beyond the realm of our supposed reality.

Life will offer them to you. And you will accept them for the headiness they bring to your body, and for how they make your heart beat faster. The vessel that holds them is mesmerizing too, and the scent so passionate that you can’t get enough of it in fast enough. You’re afraid. You hold yourself back as long as you can...

Till the day you yearn for it so badly that you can bear the wanting no more, making you dive like the lost girl who wanted to go to the bottom of the sea to find what was reflecting on the glittering surface of it in the dark. She didn’t know it was a mirage. It was just the moonlight playing tricks, teasing her, daring her… come closer...

As you raise the poison to your lips and sip it, you’re scared; you drink it in a little at a time. You feel like everything's under control; that’s when you impatiently gulp it down – like a big bite that chokes you, which you can’t chew, nor swallow.

That, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the Point of No-Return - When you take that leap, it slides into your life, Life as you remember it changes; in every way...

It gets into your system so fast, you hardly feel it seeping in. It’s only a matter of time before you realize it; it's too late to rectify now. These are strange poisons, like magical spells that can not be undone. It won't instantly kill you, it'll live within you. The minute you try to drain it out, you will die. It’s deep in your blood, gotten into your heart. It’s in You. It becomes You, and You become it. It controls you. You live for it, it feeds on you to live. You become something else. Someone you don’t know about, someone you don’t really want to be, someone you don't know how to be... yet, you are this mutant thing fallen from grace for the sake of Love. Neither dead nor alive, like a stone, with just this poison gushing in your veins taking you through each day, your senses heightened, the pleasure, the pain like multiple waves, hitting against you on the inside one after the other... You live from then on with the knowledge that letting the poison out will turn you to dust. You will be nothing but smoke as it rises and blends into the air…

“I know about the antidote that will free me of my pain,
But I cannot owe indebtedness to the one who breaks the chain…”

- JB

Who is John Galt? Is Jane Bravo a little bit like him? She likes to think so…

2009-08-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

I speak my mind; Because I know what I feel, when I feel it, how I feel it.

Don’t let my words hurt you; know that they are only my opinions and my thoughts. And that I offer them when you ask me, ‘What do you think?’
I can’t not-say what I am feeling!

That would be disrespecting myself and also disrespecting who I am saying it to.

How can that be a good thing? Is it not better then, to speak your mind!? Isn’t that what ‘free will’ is all about. To know who you are, and know exactly what you mean when you say it. Why sugar-coat things? Why lie? Why should one say things that one does not feel, does not own -things that one does not mean. Such meaningless things are of no significance. They are unimportant.

Why not tell it like it is – my perception of it?
I will speak my mind. Understand that.

If you don’t like me - I won’t say things to make you like me. Because then I am not being me, and you are reinforcing that you don’t/wont/cant like the REAL me.
I believe – and I have proof (proof is important, it leaves no room for doubts) - the people who matter to me, and who I matter to: will love me/ like me/ need me/ want me - for who I AM, and for the way I am. Just as I love them back. I never expect anyone to change their nature; they never expect me to change mine. My true loves and deepest friendships are based on this mechanism. My tribe (my people, those who own me, those who are mine) is my proof - for me to know this system works in my world.
The people who don’t get me and my words – I am not trying to insult you. If you ask me a question you should be prepared to hear what I feel – simply because when you ask me ‘What do you think?’ - I will tell you precisely that!

I’m a bitter pill to swallow, but I am the better drug – I never give you a fake high. Like a circle in the sand – never-ending. I am what I say am, I am what I do, I am what I see, what I paint, what I write, I am what I love – and it’s all real, it’s all the real ME.

So next time you want the whole truth and nothing but the truth – ask me.
If you can’t handle my version of the truth – it’s ok, but don’t expect me to lie. Accept this.

Coming back to my concept of Free Will – Ayn Rand said it exactly the way I embrace it - “That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character.”

Happy Independence Day!
May you all be emancipated ;)

-JB

One Art - by Elizabeth Bishop

2009-08-09T12:39:00.000-07:00

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I absolutely LOVED this poem.

We can accept losing things - sometimes we are meant to lose.

Accept it, and don't let it feel like a disaster, even though that is what it feels like - we all lose our place, and the people we love sometimes - but, the 'art of losing isn't too hard to master'...

Sometimes pain is inevitable - but suffering is optional...

I hope you learnt to master the One Art... I'm still practicing - losing, and 'losing farther, losing faster' and not letting it seem like disaster...

- JB

i carry your heart with me

2009-07-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

This is a poem by E.E. Cummings...
*sigh* just sharing...

How lovely is the portrayal of Love.

-JB

Smoke has Substance as it rises from a Fire, just before it blends into the Air…

2009-07-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

She begins… then understands that her finishing lines for every race are her starting points.
She walks down the roads of her life, meets different circumstances that enhance her beliefs, teaching her new things about herself.
She evolves.
She grows.
It is not a process, it is a journey. Like a nightmare that becomes a sweet dream, and then a nightmare again. She wanted to find easier paths – without the rocks that gave her blisters, but this is what the universe had planned for her - for her to BE this way, and this way alone.
As she met so many stories along the way she kept the tune in her heart playing and her mind danced to it. She can be so many things – a mother, a daughter, a teacher, a child, a girl, a woman; she can be a war, she can find peace; she likes to remember, she cannot forget; she plays a relay race with herself – running back and forth between dreams, realities, ideas, and needs…
She owns the paints, holds the brush, and the canvas belongs to her too. She will show you how she sees the perfect. Pay attention - you'll see all her colours in black and white.

- JB

Random Poem at Midnight...

2009-04-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

As I sit alone on this solitary night
Another day gone by, another solo flight…

I’ve dreamed too much in this existence
Through all my tears, I’ve been consistent.

I’ve willed good things in to my Life
Through each back-stabbing, cruel knife.

As I sit alone on this solitary night
Another day gone by, another solo flight…

I wonder where real Beauty lies,
Why is this place full of merely ugly lies?

I yearn that the Truth be spoken!
I yearn for Love, and bonds unbroken.

As I sit alone on this solitary night
Another day gone by, another solo flight…

I hope for simple Joys and inner Peace.
I am in pain, I’m feeling incomplete.

I long to find my other Soul -
Bound to me, making me whole.

As I sit alone on this solitary night
Another day gone by, another solo flight…

I wish only pure things for my World -
And this is how my Earth shall turn -

With dreams of Truth and Peace and Love,
I own my Faith in the Heavens above.

-JB

just a little bit of pixie dust...

2009-03-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

I like how children can make-believe...

It is a trick we forget as we grow older - how to make ‘believe’.

Why do we lose that super power as we grow?

When do we stop ‘believing’?

And why?

...how the socks that came alive as hand-puppets, are just socks now – not lions and tigers and bears as I once imagined. The coloured glitter powder is just that – not magical pixie dust that can make me fly. The pasta necklace is ivory-coloured, hard, hollow pasta – not elephant tusk from the jungles of Africa. Wearing Mama’s high heels and red boa will never turn me into a Rockstar... that was a long, long time ago, but I can still remember...

It was so easy to make magic before I learnt that it was all in my childish mind.

Not fair that the child in you dies so soon. And as you grow up, grow old, you forget the magic of being a child.

I wish I was ten again...

-JB

L to the O to the V to the E?

2009-02-17T05:52:00.000-08:00

I reflected much on LOVE this Valentine’s Day.
I reflect on love most days anyway – regardless of V-day! And I realized I really wanted to BE in Love.
The last time that I fell in Love - it was a beautiful heady feeling… That soon came crashing down! Why? Well, because I wasn’t in love with a person. I was in love with the ‘love potential’ I saw in him. The actual character was one I could not love. And with time, could not stand for extended periods of time.

Most Women make this mistake all the time. Men make it too. But the ‘love’ continues because an ordinary person will ‘mould’ him/her self for the person he/she believes he/she loves or wants to be loved by. Guess, I don’t want the ordinary… And so my ‘love connection’ did not last…

I want the REAL DEAL. Not something imaginary. I want ferocious. I want passionate. I want heart-warming and soul-forming. Not the kind of love one has to work to make and keep going. A love that is deep-rooted.

A love based on love, not based on friendship or blood relativity - A love between two different people, who love with an identical intensity.

I want to be loved, I want to love. I want my happy ending... And I want it soon… yes, like a fool rushing in… I want that magic, I want that beauty. I want the hugs, and the kisses, and the holding-hands. I want to feel warm feet under the covers, I want to dance to slow music, and I want flowers, and romantic weekends away from the usual weeks.

I want to have all that. I don’t need it. I want it.

It's not that I don't value my independence. I do, very much. And yet as I grow older I realise, it’s no fun being all alone all the time. It’s great to be with my friends, it’s wonderful to enjoy my space, and do what I want to do, when I want to do it; but at the end of every day I want to come home to a man who loves me, adores me, treats me like a goddess. And yes, I am a goddess. I wasn’t always a goddess. I became one over time. So, please deal with it. I am a goddess – the gorgeous sort of goddess who can make anyone go weak in the knees – this has been tried on men, women and children. ( I seem to have derailed from the topic at hand… as always...!)

Beethoven wrote a love letter to his ‘Immortal Beloved’ – I want this kind of feeling –

“My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved. I can live only holy with you, or not at all. Become my life, my all. Only by calm consideration of our existence can we continue to achieve our purpose to live together.
Oh, continue to love me.
Never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever mine.
Ever thine.
Ever ours.”

To all those lovely couples out there – keep the love alive.
For all the singles out there - keep searching... it's out there.

Life is all about learning to love and learning to be loved.
To romance, and warm feet under the covers…

-JB

Here I am - once again!?

2009-01-20T21:39:00.001-08:00

2008 seems to have gone by at lightning speed.

My 2008 List – What I did, got, earned, found, met, learnt… all good things don’t come to an end!

Got my Flat
Got my laptop
Fell in love – with my job
Evolved some more as a person
Lost some weight
Lost (a lot of) emotional baggage
Found some wonderful people, who became amazing friends
Learnt how to blow dry my hair to perfection (2009 will be a Good Hair Year – Oh yeah!)
Danced every chance I got – sometimes in the privacy of my own lounge ;)
Got Tablaas (!)
Dived into a Volcano – and lived to tell…
Tried Sushi
Took a camel ride - in the moonlight - on the beach – with a cute stranger
Finished a painting – The Magic Crystal
Read a lot of great books
Watched some really good movies
Ate plenty of fruits and veggies
Had a supernatural experience
Became a Facebook addict
Did not quit smoking
Made a modeling portfolio
Did two live radio shows
Attended two award show ceremonies
Sang at The Second Floor
Watched a play
Watched my babies grow…
Strengthened my Faith
Did good deeds just for the heck of doing good deeds
Found that Good Karma is not just a theory

Went to Sunday Bazar – once
Met my estranged aunt after 15 years

2009 is here – This too shall pass? And it shall be fantastic :)
Let it not pass you by quietly – let it shake you, move you, change you - make it special, make it happy, make it a life worth living! And a life worth loving…

-JB

It’s not the crown that makes the Queen.

2008-12-14T04:48:00.000-08:00

“The worm that destroys you is the temptation to agree with your critics, to get their approval.”
…Don't forget, "As long as you love yourself people have no choice but to accept you.”

I have walked down both those roads at different times in my life. First, being ‘destroyed’ by the ‘worm’ - wanting to win the approval of others, and to be accepted by them. Often trying to fit in, but never feeling like myself, and never feeling good about making that effort. Then learning to ‘love yourself’- being hit by the realization (accepting) that I am different – I just can’t always fit in. Learning to accept who and what I am –embracing my self - was a big challenge. Loving myself, and finding people who genuinely understand and love me as I exist, without one iota of me tweaked for anyone’s approval.

I used to be selectively cautious. I did some things too early, and others very late. But then realized that despair and failure lead me to my clarity and my truths – and ‘I’ accepted ‘me’, my life, and my individuality. I have been very brave and very bold in the search for my belief system. And having found it, I adamantly remain true to my own beliefs and perspectives.

Now I always look at my reflection in the mirror with a smile. I can meet my eyes, I can wear my skin, I can hug my soul…

I know I am not the only person who wonders what they are doing here. I think we’ve all asked ourselves this question more than once in our lives. Shakur once said – “Remember to keep yourself alive. There is nothing more important than that.” I believe that is our mission here on Earth for this life. Our mission is to find our real self, without bias accept who we are and grasp it, to live freely and at peace with our lives. This is for the greater good. Because one is only capable of sharing love and happiness and freedom and peace after one has found it within. And then maintain a balance by giving these elements to other lives that touch the circle of my life, as I touch the circles of those lives.

“Sometimes we are forced in directions that we ought to have found for ourselves.”
Maybe because, “There are no regrets in life, just lessons.”

-JB

If I was a tree growing tall and green, all I'd want is for you to shake me, and be my leaves...

2008-11-30T11:52:00.000-08:00

I remember the little ten year old who used to eat Ovaltine powder out of the tin when Mama was sleeping in the afternoon, and laughing out loud when Mama opened the tin after a few days horrified to find the Ovaltine stuck together from moisture getting in. Hey! Ovaltine was hard to come by in those days - and no one was allowed extra portions with salivated tablespoons...!

I remember the first Barbie I ever owned. My aunt got it from London and it was the most beautiful doll in the world. I showed it off a gazillion times, beaming with owner's-pride as my friends looked at it with envy. I also haven't forgotten the torture of seeing it being flung into the ceiling fan by my naughty elder brother - and the doll coming down in two pieces!

I remember fighting over a little red post box my father had brought - that we both wanted to own - and my brother got it - it was the most beautiful box I ever saw.

I remember baking my first cake. My father got me a box of Hundreds & Thousands. It was the most deformed looking cake in the world, when I think about it now. But back then, it was the most perfect cake in the world...*sigh* Didn't taste too bad either, by the way.

I remember my younger brother helping me make my MSN account - and patiently explaining to me how it works. He was such a little brat as a kid, always Mama's baby when we were all little - I would play the role of the bossy older sister, and enjoy it so much. Simply because it annoyed him!

I remember my first trip to the beauty salon with my Mama (for the first time to get something more than just a school specificated haircut), and wearing make-up for the first time to a family wedding! I remember getting my first pair of high-heels. They were shiny hot pink! (I nearly tripped... they were also a daring three inches!)

I remember driving a car for the very first time, and my Dad showing me how to use the clutch on the battered old car he'd borrowed from work to teach me on - just incase I hit something! Dad - always so practical.

I remember falling in love... And then learning other things that come with it... I remember learning to let go, and letting go...

I remember writing my first article and getting my first pay-check. That was a great feeling of having achieved something. And getting my first real job - as a teacher.

I remember seeing my picture in the paper for the first time - WOW - when I scored the highest in my exams. I remember my parents beaming with pride that day. They were proud of me.

I remember stepping into motherhood. The most beautiful of my memories - I remember how it felt to bring life in to the world. I have no words to describe the feeling of complete and utter bliss. I remember learning a new kind of love with this title - Mother. I remember teaching my children to paint. Letting them make a mess as I made hand-prints for me to keep. And giving them their first lychees to taste... their little noses crinkling, wondering how the jelly-like, white-looking thing will taste on their tongues. I remember the first time I took them to see the snow... and we attempted to make a snowman. I remember teaching them how to walk, run, speak, sing, and go to school. I remember baking my daughter's first batch of brownies with her. I remember the first time my son fell, and how brave he was. They are my masterpieces, like symphonies - my 1st and my 2nd.

I remember the first diamond ring I ever owned. It is the most beautiful ring in the world. And though I don't wear it anymore, it is a special thing, it makes me smile to myself when I see it in my jewellery box.

I remember a recent summer abroad, when I met my parents as a mature adult. And fell in love with them all over again. We made many new memories that year.

I remember laughing about 'Pajara da tax' and 'Kitchen ki batti off?' and 'Yeh kya hai?!' and the award-winning 'Hum khatay thay pehlay...' inside jokes we own.

There have been good times, and there have been great times... I remember these times with a full-colour picture. They heal me over and over again from all the bad stuff that I have been through.

Whenever I was hurting, I think, little bits of me dropped away. These memories brought new bits, that were gradually plastered over the spaces left empty, and I kept growing into who I am.

I make an effort to always remember the good times and focus on forgetting all the bad times. It's a constant process. I feel like a sculpture, and the sculptor who made it - simultaneously. I chisle away at myself, letting what I don't want, or can't have, go. Keeping what I love, and own it. Crafting and molding and shaping - making me who I am eventually: The Daughter, the Sister, the Mother, the Woman - all glorious, all beautiful.

To my parents, my brothers, and my children - I love you from within. I'm not great at showing it sometimes. But I think of you everyday...

'In the morning I wake up, before I put on my make-up... I say a little prayer for you...!'

-JB

Post-Drama/ Post-Trauma

2008-11-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

It is so lovely when the littlest things and moments bring the largest smiles. There is an intense sense of Peace to have Joy without the effort of searching for a smile or hunting down Happiness.

What alarms me at times is when the seemingly smallest of things bring the biggest of tears and heart-wrenching, soul-killing grief. When everyone around you believes you are falling apart over nothing - or something trivial, and you can't make them understand, maybe because you only feel the pain and hardly understand what to do with it yourself.

There are such days... when I feel exhausted inside... but I keep on going.

I question what holds me together, often. Sometimes I feel I have no strength to go on - and yet somehow I (maybe I become inhuman?) continue to go on; through my pains, through the tears, through the undeserved tormenting hurt. Dreaming of a rectification and of Justice... Perhaps, something will change; some one will come - and save me sooner than later?

This Life is a just winding road - no one really knows where it is going... We just keep on walking... pretending… searching? But what for, and do we ever find it?

Life can be a bottomless pit - As if I am falling... falling... falling... way low, perhaps lower than last time, a brand-new low even! Will I have the strength to climb back out of this thick darkness that surrounds me?

This Life presents itself as an endless uphill climb when all I want to do is fall down and evaporate into nothingness. But I charge on, my dreams keeping a tiny hope alive, dragging me through the rocks, taking me higher...

I know I numb myself sometimes, as if a meditated killing of myself, temporarily dying just to stay alive for later. And what if some day this clever little trick I’ve taught myself becomes irreversible - that I remain in this sequential death of my soul forever, and I cease to be in spirit? I’m scared that this may happen one of these days…

We all play with fire. But what happens when one dives in to a volcano - Can I ever heal? How must I swim through this - the burning, the hurt, and the ashes? How do I reverse this? How do I get to the Stop, Erase, and Rewind buttons on the control panel?

Ah, yes. There is no Control Panel – I broke it. I lost my control.

I'm feeling like the Fat Lady's about to sing... anytime now...

- JB

Mother is a VERB - never a noun

2008-11-25T07:24:00.000-08:00

-JB :)

Now I lay me down to sleep, a pile of Hate inside I keep...

2008-11-22T12:24:00.001-08:00

So many people in my life. People I see often enough. People I see through some of the time.

And I play along... Letting them bury themselves deeper and deeper in the fallacies they create to court attention. How shiny and bright they seem. How lustre-less and bland they are. No depth, nor beauty beyond the colours they paint themselves with, and the borrowed feathers they wear. So removed from the truth - all their words, and all their acts. They really believe people can not see their real faces. Perhaps this is the only innocent thought that ever crossed their minds?

They are all snakes, waiting to strike as they slither in your sleeve... And sometimes when I take the covers off their concealed realities - exposing what and who they really are, they hiss in angry tones, 'We are not your friends! You have hurt us!'

I ask, 'You were my friend?'

They have no answer to give.
It always saddens me when I am forced to accept who they really are. Deep down in my heart I wish... That for once, just once, I may have read them wrongly, unjustly. For once I should be mistaken and them desperately misunderstood. Not one has said yet, that I 'misunderstood' them, only that our 'friendship' is over... I wish my hardest that for once I am wrong, that for once they are real, that for once all they speak is the truth.

Oh, Stupid World! Give me one real friend?

-JB

Women & Children - Health, Death, Disaster?

2008-10-25T00:24:00.000-07:00

The conclusion of a US Agency for International Development funded study on Population and Health issues presented a bleak picture recently. The survey exposed a substantial gap between family health knowledge, contraceptive knowledge, and the use of solutions in the local population.

*The Facts -

96% married women know about modern methods.

Only 22% use them.

1 in 4 married women has a need for family planning, but does not know how to go about fulfilling that need.

More than one-third deaths of women aged 25 to 29 years are owing to maternal causes.

35% women receive no pre-natal care during their pregnancies.

Only 44% married women have heard of AIDS. However, they have NO actual knowledge of the causes and precautions of HIV or AIDS.

20% know that using a condom can prevent AIDS but less than half will benefit from this knowledge.

One-third births take place within 24 months of a previous birth.

47% children aged between 12 to 23 months receive all recommended vaccines.

Over 9 of every 100 children die before they celebrate their 5th birthday.

* 95, 000 families across Pakistan were individually contacted in this survey.

Sadly, it doesn't seem like we are going to have the progressive and promising future that we were aiming for.

Love/Luck/Perfection... I'm rambling... thinking out loud... 'scusi moi.

2008-10-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

I used to believe in my lucky socks, magic sea shells and gratitude rocks - I used to be an advocate of Luck, Love, and Perfection – Now I only wonder about the realities of the three abstracts - Are these all that we run after perpetually our whole lives? Do they really exist?

Luck – Will hanging up a horse-shoe change your life? Or perhaps investing in a Rabbit’s paw? Maybe I’ve become a bit of a cynic... In truth, I want to believe, and there are those rare circumstances when people make me want to believe in Luck so badly. I wish I got that ‘lucky’ just once?!

Love – The definition of many different relationships and feelings – friends, family, and children – these are 'loves' that we often don’t have to prove we deserve, we feel them, we have them and share them (usually unconditionally) – of course, there are exceptions here too. Interestinging though, the kind of Love we most yearn for, hope for, search for, and want to get lucky with – can exist only between a man and a woman (also a man and a man, or a woman and a woman – hey, whatever works for you!)– A Fairytale, possibly? What do I know…? I am trying so hard to be a cynic! This Love happens to be the most complicated kind of Love. Especially today, when people are nothing but fickle, one way or another- they’re either going to cheat on you, or act like a martyr, or leave you when the realization strikes them that they were not in love with you to begin with – that their definitions of Love are different from yours - Enter, Perfection...? Or you will do all these things to someone who ‘loves’ you. You see!? In the case of Love, you need Luck the MOST! Let’s hope you only fall in love and not fall from grace in the process *tough one*.

Perfection - A standard we ‘create’ (even breed) in our minds, over time, based on experiences, observations, and preferences. Although, when we go out to find this ‘Perfect-ness’ we realize it does not exist, we are at quite a loss. We even learn (sometimes painfully) that as we aim for Perfection it is a moving target! Either we eventually see imperfection in what we believed to be perfect, or we alter our perception of Perfection during our search for it. All this running around eventually will tire us, and we’ll wonder if we should stop looking for Perfection- continuing to live our mediocre, non-perfect lives. Then shall we turn again to hope for some Luck to come our way…? *sigh*

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps… I'm just trying to see that rainbow (made up with colours of Luck/Love/Perfection).

"Please Check Your Parcel Before Receiving"

2008-09-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

Thursday evening I decide to treat myself to something pleasurable - no, no, don't let your dirty mind wander - more along the lines of a good meal I've been craving for days and some new literature to read at the end of my long and tiring (but quite rewarding) week/ work days.

I drive to a famous bar-b-que joint, place a take-away order with the waiter (remembering my dad the whole time - incidentally, this is the good meal he often craves too!)and walk into my favourite bookstore adjacent to the bustling restaurant.

I buy my books, walk to my car where the waiter is patiently waiting for me to collect my order and pay him. Paid and tipped he leaves. I drive off home, happy.

I stuff my face with the food [understatement]. Make myself some green-tea and clear up the kitchen as it cools.

It is then that I see at the BOTTOM of the packet, like some words of wisdom out of a fortune cookie after a Chinese meal, a statement sent to me by the Universe - to answer the questions I have been shooting out to it this week :

"Please Check Your Parcel Before Receiving"

I am puzzled. How BEFORE 'receiving'? Not before 'taking' your parcel, but before 'receiving' your parcel. Hmmmm... Really?

I sip my green-tea. I must try out this very new concept given to me. I smile, and Kane plays in my head...

"Tell me do you wanna believe it
Tell me would you wanna receive this life
That's only meant for you
There is so much that you can choose
Without giving in

And one of these days
It's gonna come right back to you
One of these days

I got the heart and soul
Got the right from wrong
O I'll sing it
Yes I believe it
Got to believe it
Got my heart and soul
And the will to go on
Yes I believe
And it feels good
It feels good"

-JB

The Monsters that come out in Karachi

2008-09-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

It is the year 2008.

You're in your early 50s. You've lived a dignified, honest life. Done no harm to anyone, raised a child, cared for a family, worked hard at your small business.

You live in Karachi, Pakistan. Your car-radio clock displays 9.58 pm You're driving to your ordinary home, in your ordinary car, with your valuable family. You're just getting to the flyover that'll bring you closer to your home.

You are aware of the Monsters that are everywhere in Karachi now. They steal, they rob, they kill, they harm. You hold on to your Faith, you hold on to that peace in your mind.

You have your wallet, your mobile, you wear your watch - you are mentally prepared that these may be snatched from you at any point, any time... these are the times you live in. You are prepared to give them up to any Monster that may come.

But what happens next you were never prepared for, not in a million years, not after a million hold-up stories of Karachi...

You are driving at middle speed. A man appears out of nowhere in front of your car. No gun, just a raised hand, signalling you to stop: you think he is mad. You slam the breaks to save his life. And let him in. To destroy yours.

In the car there is silence. He has a gun! He points it at your wife at the window, he can shoot and kill through the glass. You realise he is not mad, he is a Monster...

He motions for your wife to open the door, she does. The three of you sit frozen and tense. Ready to give up your money, your phones, your car... but this is not what the Monster is after.

"Do do kahan leja rahay ho?" [where are you taking two women?]
Pause.
"Aik mere saath jai gi..." [one will come with me now]

As he says that last sentence he is looking at your daughter, she whimpers and starts crying. You are stunned. It is a nightmare sequence where nothing is making sense and everything feels terrifying, and beyond your control.

He moves back slightly, as if to open the backseat door to get in with your daughter, you wife, tears in her eyes says,

"Mujhey le jao.." [Take me]

He holds her arm from behind as she gets off the car. You can do nothing, say nothing, you can not move...

Traffic is moving. No one stopped to help before, no one stops now. Life stops. Your life stopped. In those five minutes of negotiating between giving your wife or your daughter.

Your daughter is crying, shaking, terrified. You look around again, hoping your wife will walk back to the car... it does not happen.

You can't remember how you got home.
You don't remember making the calls.
You don't remember what you tell the police and your people.
You are numb.

24 hours go by... then 48...and 72 hours later, your wife returns home. She is mute. She looks dirty. And broken. As if she was battered and then glued back together, just enough to stand and walk temporarily.
She doesn't look human.
She is already a ghost.

You quietly go to your room. Take your gun. And put a bullet through your brain.
You aren't prepared to live with the Monsters anymore.

*** Written in memory of a real-life incident, in Karachi, in August 2008, for a family that was destroyed by a Monster ***

Be afraid... Be VERY afraid.

- JB

Perfectly Normal

2008-02-05T13:05:00.000-08:00

Just as Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, 'Perfection' follows the same rule for the beholder...

An individual we see as 'perfect' conforms absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal in our minds. An ideal we have created based on our own personal life experiences and conditioning. We would imagine this individual to be excellent- complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement.

Though this may be a mere figment of our imagination, this 'perfect' person exists for each of us in our spheres of life; A person who exactly fits the 'bill', as it were... completes a certain need which too has been created by our own thoughts. We see him/ her as a being devoid of any and all flaws, defects, or shortcomings: the absolute circle- accurate, exact, and correct in every detail. Utterly complete- Perfect. A person who is unblemished and pure in all aspects of our requirements of perfection. Possessing all the qualities and traits that we have sought out, and who features the highest degree of excellence that we have created in our visions.

I suppose then, that it is fair to say that Perfection comes from our own experiences, and we register it as what we want and desire. Our idea of the perfect person varies greatly from the ideas of others searching for perfection. We may feel that their ideal of perfection is imperfect, just as our 'perfect' will not be seen as perfect by them.

-JB

Penny-worth Thoughts...

2008-01-28T01:26:00.000-08:00

Nothing in this life is permanent.

The one person, who is with us for our entire life, is our self.

Life is measured by the breaths we take?

Should we not measure it by the moments that take our breath away?

Those are the only moments that mean anything.

The only substance.

The only reality.

-JB

Reality Check

2008-01-26T10:47:00.000-08:00

She sat in one of the toilet cubicles, eating her lunch... A maid who was on duty at one of the local malls.

It hurt me to see a human being reduced to this- She was not allowed a lunch break, she was paid by the hour; She was not even allowed to sit in the waiting area of the public toilet to eat her meal.

I was numb with shock.

I know people who would not even use a public toilet... Yet, this human being had to use the place as a dining area. I felt ashamed, and very sad. She seemed like a clean, kind woman with a sad and lonely face. Maybe it was her self-respect, maybe she was desperate to keep the job, or else why would she work to earn her monthly income servicing public toilets, even if that meant eating her meals whilst on duty there.

As we exchanged glances, she smiled at me- it was a genuine smile that made my heart ache for her; Almost as if she was saying to me, 'I'm alright...' I gave her some money and left, goose-bumps on my skin as I walked away.

I felt quite ashamed thinking how I had spent most of the morning today worrying about - new tires for my Suzuki; whether I would be able to get all the things on my shopping list; whether I had enough money in my wallet for the day out - as I sat with my son, eating pizza, and playing on the computer, in my very comfortable home. I thought of the little details of my day, how great it had been.

Let me never forget it- this wonderful life.

There are times when I have felt I do not have enough in this life. Today I realise how much I have, how ungrateful I have been sometimes.

May I be more thankful for this life...

-JB

Stripes or Spots?

2008-01-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

I detest it when my 'friends' challenge my belief system. This particular piece is for all of them. Though they may never read this, I want to share it with the rest of you, who may have 'friends' such as these...

There are times when people expect you to do things that are against your inner self, against your belief system, things you do not want to do. You must never do these things. If there is a shred of doubt in your mind and heart- listen. Doubt means 'DON'T'.

And most importantly- To change for others is to lie to yourself. Identify yourself. Be self aware. Who are you? Know it, believe it, BE it.

Reversal of this confuses me- I agree with the Saint who said, 'Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking (or society) makes it so.' Bringing us back to our personal ideology, our belief system; What we see as fair, good and right. Humans are selfish by nature. They will live as they see fit, they will convince themselves that what they are doing is correct at the expense of going against society- because it is what THEY want. Retrospectively they may feel it was bad or wrong, but in the present it is RIGHT- their right- it is what they will do, because that is their primal need, taking what is theirs. So should we always 'BE' who we are?

I think the better path to take would be to change for yourself. But not for others. That is a positive way to be selfish, in grasping your right to free will. Choose what is good for you, not only what makes you feel good mometarily.

Dignity must never be forgotten. Grace is important to cultivate self respect. It is our choices that define us and our character, not our fates. This is what separates the loser from the winner. It's not about being religious, or moral. It's about being dignified in all acts, at all times.

Limits must never be overstepped. Boundaries must be defined and recognized at all times throughout life and at the moments of making decisions. Limits are of the utmost importance. If you have none, you have no boundaries. You are exposed and susceptible. You become destructable and penetrable. It is your limits and discipline that protect you the most in this life.

Reputation is a weapon of power, like Pride. Pride your reputation.

Once lost or cracked it is hard to mend.

Try not to learn these rules the hard way.

-JB

Surviving 2007 phew

2007-12-27T00:54:00.000-08:00

It's been a year of tests, triumphs, and lessons.

Experience is the worst teacher, I've said it so many times before, it gives the lesson after the test! And so, like two-headed Janus, I look back on the past, simultaneously looking towards the future, for a near-perfect present.

I'm going to call 2007 my "coming-to-terms-with-this-crazy-life" year. And so, I am making the following declarations- things I saw, felt and learnt in the last twelve months...

1. Family is the most important thing in life.

2. Children are the most wonderful, beautiful, awesome, and fantastic thing that will ever touch your life. This applies to Parents too. Thank God if you have your own.

3. Money can buy security, comfort, contentment and independence- thus, money can, in fact, buy Happiness.

4. Love is a Tango- It takes two!

5. Friends can be more fickle than lovers. Beware.

6. Don't expect anything, from anyone, ever.

7. Dreams are not reality. Don't live in them.

8. Reality is brutal. Learn to accept it, before it kills you.

9. Pain is important. It makes us feel human, real, and living.

10. Wounds only heal once you stop picking them.

11. Men will be men!

12. Believe that there is a Higher Power. And yes, all things happen for a very apt reason.

13. It is better to be trustworthy than to trust.

14. Better to be loved than to love.

15. Men are emotionally challenged.

16. Laughing out loud and smiling are soul excersises.

17. Looking good is an important factor if you're aiming to FEEL good!

18. Music is good therapy.

19. Dancing to music you enjoy is excellent therapy.

20. Vodka can sometimes be your best friend.

21. Passing out is never sexy...

22. 'Eye Candy' should ONLY be looked at from a safe distance. Because 'Eye Candy' is just a mirage, once it speaks it becomes the 'Dumb Blonde'.

23. Do NOT believe everything you hear!

24. Yoga DOES work... try it atleast once in your life.

25. Shoes are important. Love the ones you're in. Get the ones you love. You walk through life in them!

Hmmm... I guess that's bout it. Hope everyone reading this had a bearable 2007, and has a smashing 2008.

-JB

Heart and Nerve and Sinew

2007-11-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

There are times when life leads us to dead ends on a one way road...

It is when you reach here that you are hit by the realisation that you have 'lost'. You break, bleed, shatter. You stand alone here. Your friends left you when you weren't paying attention to their tricks. Your enemies leave, knowing you are wasted, that you will fight them no more- that they have defeated you. You lie alone on the floor of your deluded, distorted dreams- with no strength in you, barely breathing, your head bowed, not to hide your tears, displaying your numb shame; frozen and blue.

You feel you have lost your pride, your face, your dreams, your value, your soul, you almost cease to exist in your own sphere...

Time heals all things, and with the passage of it, your misery thaws; And after the realization that "All is lost", you come to the understanding that you have nothing left to lose. This becomes your power. That is the dawn after a dark, stormy, painful, seemingly endless night!

" If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!' "

So, when all is lost, and there is nothing left to lose, let me fight the battle one last time...

-JB

"Invictus"

2007-11-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Phenomenal Woman

2007-10-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

By Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size

But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.

I say

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips

The stride of my steps

The curl of my lips.

I'm a women

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please

And to a man

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees

Then they swarm around me

A hive of honey bees.

I say

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth

The swing of my waist

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say

It's in the click of my heels

The bend of my hair

The palm of my hand

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

-I dedicate this poem to every woman who embraces being a woman. A woman who does not need others to tell her what she is worth, or how beautiful she is, and what she brings to the world.

-JB

The words of Ayn Rand

2007-10-10T13:55:00.000-07:00

*Learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness.*

*I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.*

*I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.*

*Pride is the recognition of then fact that you are your own highest value and, like all of man's values, it has to be earned.*

*Rationality is the recognition of the fact that nothing can alter the truth and nothing can take precedence over the act of perceiving it.*

*That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character.*

I read an article online - '30 things to do before you turn 30'. Interestingly enough, 'Read books' such as "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged" was listed in the top five things to do before you turn 30! Why am I not surprised... The writings of Ayn Rand project a way of life and how to justify the life you lead. To feel at peace with your choices. If you haven't read Rand yet, I recommend you do so NOW- doesn't matter if you're over three decades! ;)

-JB

Abstractions

2007-10-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Logic seems like a foreign country.

My acts are all repercussions of what I am feeling. My sins are all crimes of passion. My thoughts are all clearly bright as I stare in to the sun. They are fluid like water, burning my mind like fire, yet contain an innocence of a baby's toothless smile.

I am flying because I am controlling my own reality.

I am not running. But sometimes, I feel I may be hiding. I prefer not to deal in lies. My pride is never foolish. I see it more as a virtue than as a vice. It is my weapon of choice. Death nor dishonour are not any options.

I get what is meant for me. Life is not based on circumstances, but on my choices. I always justify my love. I know my limits, and the lines I can not cross. I denounce society if it tries to cage me. I like who I am. No, I love who I am. I am not preturbed when people do not understand me.

Where I am today has been a walk through Hell. I am still going through it, but I have learnt to walk through it faster, confident that it will change sooner than later. What I envision as my future today, is not a mere dream of Heaven on Earth- but a belief; it is a reality- like a drop of honey that I can taste in my mouth long after I have swallowed it.

I feel loved sometimes, but I prefer not to love too much. I may attach things to myself, but I will never combine them with me. I trip many times, but I try my hardest not to fall when I do. I can fix myself when I am broken, but I do not like to be shattered. I do not like pain. But I understand how pain can empower one in spirit and in mind. I like to speak of my strength and my courage, not my past. I am highly reliable, and I have learned that it is not wise to rely on others, not even one's closest friends. I accept- I have stopped expecting.

Almost anything I do will be insignificant; but it is important that I do it.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

_ Marilyn Monroe

-JB

The Soulmate Theory

2007-10-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, discussing the concept of the 'soulmate' was never on any of my 'things to do' lists... But then one day, I felt I needed to probe the theory. Let's just say to get a better perspective on Love, and 'matches made in Heaven'... It's revoltingly interesting- the soulmate theory, not love. As far as my encounter with 'Love' goes... I'll write another day! For now, read on...

The Soulmate Theory has captivated the world since long ago. Movies like 'Titanic', 'Serendipity', 'Point Break', and many television shows and song lyrics have presented circumstances where soulmates exist in a variety of contexts- as friends, as lovers, and as companions, with an unbreakable bond.

Classically speaking, with specific reference to Greek mythology, originally humans were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces; but Zeus feared their 'double' power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

(I'm sure that the majority of people will be unable to digest this!)

On a spiritual level, the concept of the Soulmate exists within 'reincarnation' and 'karma'- leading to the idea that soulmates have in fact shared previous lifetimes together. Suggesting, that the 'karmic' soulmate has a special influence on one's life. A companion with whom a special, 'beyond-this-world' connection is made.

The concept of the soulmate is primarily a romantic belief that there is only one true soul that completes and shares the other to become 'one', 'whole' soul. This is called the 'Twin Flame'.

Although popularly used in a romantic way, the concept of the soulmate is not reserved just for Love, but in fact also for the deep bond of friendship; Where the 'Twin' soulmates are the best of friends with the strongest of bonds.

Well, in this Age of Science, some theorists have come up with a formula that IF a relationship can be judged as per one's internal happiness, then one can possibly calculate which person in their life would be their 'soulmate'. Accordingly this, one person should, scientifically speaking, make you absolutely euphoric, and chances are you will not be content existing with any other person in life, except the 'one'.

Ultimately the consequence of the soulmate theory is the terrifying reality that soulmates often possess the ability to inflict serious emotional and spiritual injury unto their twin flame, greater than any other person on Earth could. Most people are destined for the eternal search of their soulmate. Few are lucky enough to actually find the 'one'.

According to staunch believers of the soulmate theory- "the initial encounter is often analogous to the collision of matter and antimatter, a violent explosive reaction will occur, but if held through to completion only pure energy, and thus harmony, will result."

I feel that it is then fair to say that if one does find his/ her soulmate, and the match is not acceptable as per the rules of society we live in, and are judged by, the encounter will leave us with a lifetime of profound sadness and depression as there is no possibility of resolution.

So tell me my dear reader, what would you do if you found the 'one', your soulmate, the one person on this Earth who possesses the inborn potentials that accurately match and complete your own?

It is believed also, that your soulmate is joined eternally to your actual soul, by a signature in your heart at the dimension of your spirit.

Will you ever believe?
I do.

-JB

Karachi, 12-05-2007

2007-05-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

Independence is the most underrated possession in the world.

Karachi is once again bearing the brunt of the bloody rivalry between various political parties and government conspirers. In a matter of three hours, a 'rally' has been transformed into a 'bloody day'. There is an air of fear, shock and confusion:
- Innocent people are being killed, shot, and terrorized.
- Injured people are unable to be taken to the hospitals owing to the roads being blocked.
- A petrol station has been set to fire.
- More than 15 vehicles have been torched.

I am sad and pained to see innocent blood shed this way. I am sad that I am a Pakistani. I am sad that such an illiterate and irresponsible country is my homeland. The painful stories of those who gave up all to create this country for us, make me wonder what they would feel had they been alive today to watch us kill our own innocent brothers instead of our enemies...

-JB

Music to my ears ;)

2007-04-08T04:44:00.000-07:00

Hey people!!

Hmmm.... Lots of songs playing in my head these past few days.... Mostly from the 80's, primarily reminding me of those brilliant 'limsical' moments that have gone by.

Music is a healer, you know. It keeps us in a bubble. Helps to soothe the nerves, and to calm our soul. Helps us ponder, and wonder- what lies in the mysterious future, what could have been different in our personal histories.

Well, incase you're in an intense mood like me :)
...Do listen to:

Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits

It'll hit the spot, I tell ya!
If not the lyrics, then the soulful twanging of the guitar...

Cheers!

-JB

2006-11-19T02:41:00.000-08:00

Hi fellow humans!

Hmmm... I read the most interesting quote a few days ago. I don't remember who it's by, or if it's from a book, but it's stuck in my head and makes total sense from all angles...

It goes-

" You can have anything you want in life, just as long as you give up everything else. "

I have reflected on my life quite deeply after reading this, and I fully agree. All is within reach. All is possible. You can have that one thing you want most, but forget about all other things. It's like a thin line being drawn in my head. One that defines two parallels- One is Wisdom, and the other is Madness. And have we all not at one point chosen one above the other?

Reflect, please.

-JB

Learning to Love

2006-10-15T07:30:00.000-07:00

Hello,

Its been a while since I last typed anything here... I did have a lot to say, but life has become so busy and complicated that I really never got the chance. Its mid-October 2006... another two months and the next year will begin. Sigh! This year literally flew by. I've learnt many things these past few months, but the most important lesson I recently learnt is that one must learn to love oneself above all. That is the only way one can be truly happy throughout life.

Sounds quite self-centred and selfish, but it is really true!
Try it ;)

Keep loving, and learning always!

-JB

The Worst Teacher

2006-05-03T21:42:00.000-07:00

I happened to read my horoscope a few days ago, and it said- "This year will be the hardest year of your entire life"! Well, not that I'm a firm believer in the Zodiac, but things have been quite testing lately, and life does seem to be getting more and more challenging with each new dawn! Yes, fate had a bit to do with the whole scenario, but mostly it was the choices I made in the last few months.

Ah, yes... choices... How do you know if your choices are good ones, right ones? Or what the outcomes of your choices will be? I believe that is the biggest challenge of life itself- the choices you have to make and then live with.

As a wise man once said, "Experience is the worst teacher; It gives the lesson after the test."
How true.

-JB

Erase and Rewind...?

2006-01-09T05:07:00.000-08:00

I read the most interesting quote today by some guy called Robert Quillen. It goes:

"Character is defined by what you stand for. Reputation by what you fall for."

Is that true, or what?!

Throughout our lives after the age of thirteen, I guess, we evolve on a daily basis into whom we are to the world, to the people who know us or know of us. Our outlooks, perceptions, ideas, likes, dislikes, all become defined with the passage of time depending on our absorbtion and interaction with our world. How true then to say that our characters are defined by what we stand for and believe in, while at the same time our reputations develop with our falls and poor choices in life.

Be strong always,

-JB

2006... here i come!

2006-01-06T05:26:00.000-08:00

Hello people!!!

Gosh... i've totally neglected my blog, haven't I?!

The truth be told, wrapping up 2005 was a hard and tedious process.

Life took me through many twists and turns, and there were moments when i feared the worst, and prayed for the best outcomes... but all's well that ends well, right?

Well, 2006 is here with a BANG! and although there were tons of 'downs' that were down in the dumps... I noticed that the few 'ups' that I found along the way were beautifully invigorating and rejuvenating. There were simple moments, small things which made me feel so lucky to be alive and well.

And this is my message to you today: Enjoy life as it comes.
It's never going to be perfect, so why burn your blood trying to make it perfect?!

-JB

Just Like A Prayer

2005-10-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Haven't written much lately... I was suffering from some new and improved version of 'writer's block', in which the symptoms happened to be that while I searched for words to read ( as in, books), but avoided to write any(not even one decent paragraph!)!

Adding to this state of mental procrastination was the tragic earthquake that hit and very literally shook the foundations of my beloved Pakistan. The news updates on the victims and the survivors were shocking. I was moved, pained, and at the same time guided towards the deeper meaning of it all in my mind.

It could have been me, I thought. It could have been my loved ones! The very thought of any harm coming to my two little bundles of joy can transform me into a madwoman... and yet women survived the quake only to find they had lost their sons and husbands, and siblings. A sad reality. Makes you realize all at once, that life really is not in our control; that there is a higher power controlling our fates, our futures.

While many say that the earthquake is a punishment from our Creator; I believe that it is infact a test, with a warning hidden in it. The test: face whatever comes your way; fight it to the best of your abilities laced with an iron-clad faith. The warning: you are a mere mortal, don't play God!

I pray for those who died, and those who lost their people in the devastating quake that hit some parts of Asia. May their souls rest in peace. Amen!

Don't take life for granted. Ever.
Take care, my dears....

-JB

.......

2005-07-15T04:47:00.000-07:00

We learn new things everyday. We learn from our mistakes the most. And sadly enough we make the same mistakes over and over again. Life is not about living anymore, it's all about the survival of it. The existence we have depends on so many things, we are infact just a part of our own existence.

This has dawned on me today. I dont know why exactly, but it's there in my head swirling round and round in the nothingness that is my brain....

hmmm.... food for thought from a me to you,

-JaneBravo

Incomplete

2005-07-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

"I go on pretending like I never knew you...
I'm awake, but my world is half asleep..."

-Incomplete
Performed by the Backstreet Boys

Yet another lovely touching ballad by the suave-looking backstreet boys. Ofcourse, they are anything but a 'boy' gang from your run of the mill 'backstreet'...!

I am in love with this song people!!!!! Actually the poetry is boootiful... a must-listen in dreamy summer rain kind of weather :) when you're driving around feeling a little loved, a little lost and a little lonely!

Check it out, please!

-JaneBravo

Let the Monsoons begin

2005-07-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hi people...
...it rained today; beautiful, lovely rain! All the greenery became greener, the birds looked happier and the hot and dry, parched earth absorbed as much cool water into itself as it possibly could. As I sat on the steps of my mother's kitchen back entrance, I smelled the fresh breeze as it touched my face, making me feel alive... and happy to be alive!

On the ghastly (down) side, however... later on the seven o'clock news I heard that six people died in the brutal arrival on monsoon, and it also left thirteen people badly injured! Ufffffff! Also, roads all over Lahore, including the really really posh localities were badly flooded and were inaccesible to most people. This made me quite depressed.

What am I trying to tell you? Something like: One man's trash is another man's treasure!? Ummm, not exactly... Think.

I wish the government would make our country a cleaner, safer place to live in. I mean if we can't cope with the monsoon rains, how can we begin to talk about nuclear peace and national security? Scary thought, truly.

Wake up, people... the rain didn't make the grass greener on the other side.

-JaneBravo

Un Bon Serviteur

2005-06-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

I may be different than you,
but that doesn't make me bad.
When you tease and make fun of me,
it makes me very sad.
I may not be as smart,
or as attractive as you.
But I am still human,
and my heart can break in two.
I have special things about me,
I think you would agree,
If instead of laughing,
you would take the time to see.

I really loved this poem when I read it. Just sharing...

-JaneBravo

How bad can a goodbye be???

2005-06-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

There's something about goodbyes that scares the hell out of me! They seem so permanent, and so irreversible! Yes, yes, I know people say things like: Absence makes the heart grow fonder... but then what about: Out of sight, out of mind?? Interesting.

How does one say goodbye to one they share a bond with, a history with? Tears arent a very good idea. Too dramatic! They seem to add to the tension and sadness. Hugs are nice, I guess, but not too clingy! Its always nice to say goodbye with a parting gift, sort of a forget-me-not kind of thing...

But its still going to be excrutiating... all this business of saying goodbye.

Anyway dear readers, let your loved ones know you love them when they are with you; dont wait for the goodbye moment! Take care you all...

-JaneBravo

Judging Jane

2005-06-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

I judged too much today. When I pointed a finger at my friend, I pointed three back at myself. I realised too late the hurt I had initiated. I regret it to this minute. Experience is the worst teacher, it gives the lesson after the test!

-JaneBravo

Fight Club

2005-06-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

My message for today is:

"A small cut is better than a deep wound"

Just think about it. Fight the fights that are worth fighting. Motivate yourself to win. And dont worry about the small cuts you may have to bear. These will heal sooner or later.

-JaneBravo

Culture Club

2005-06-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

Hello Readers,

I have no profound truths and thoughts to share with you today! I would instead like to introduce to you a very interesting pakistan-based website. I personally feel this website caters to a variety of tastes. I also think that the rewaj.com forum helps the younger generation exchange their views values. If you have ten minutes to kill, do check it out(Click on the title to access the mentioned site).

-JaneBravo

Life's like that

2005-06-20T00:26:00.000-07:00

"Be prepared that it absolutely is not going to go the way it is in your head... It may be better it may be worse, but its not going to be what you expect."

**Taken from "Sperm donors' offspring reaching out into past" by Judith Graham**
(Click on title to view the article)

-JaneBravo

To Sir, with love...

2005-06-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Father's Day... hmmm, let's see now... I think Shakespeare said it best, "It is a wise father that knows his own child". We all defy our fathers like their fathers were defied by them. But inside we love them and we respect them, and we always want them to be proud of us. However, somehow we spend most of our lives trying to figure each other out. We test each others limits, highlight each others faults and ignore the plus points. All I can say is, life has a strange way of making us put our feet in our mouths! Be nice to your fathers... and hope that you can bond better with your future children. We can't choose who our father is, but the choice to be kind and understanding, with a touch of love, is yours.

"It doesnt matter who my father was; It matters who I remember he was." (-Anne Sexton)

-JaneBravo

Stand By Yourself

2005-06-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty all-in-one kind of day... a little bit of romance, a little bit of tears, some smiles, some screams.... but at the end of it all, all the players came out clean! Some days the elements like to test us, test our spirits and our strengths. And it is at moments like these when we show our true colours to each other... and to ourselves. I liked who I saw inside me today. Being happy with who you are is an essential thing. Recognize yourself... and stand by you!

-JaneBravo

Dreamy Treasures

2005-06-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

They say that it is better to be practical than to run after our dreams. Today I ran across a very interesting quote, "All the treasures lie in the sea. But for those who want safety, stay ashore". How true is that? I guess, it is great to be responsible and practical. However, once in a while some amazing thing happens in our lives, and it is at times like these when we must DARE TO DREAM...

-JaneBravo

One Way Lovers

2005-06-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

A good friend once asked me, "If you had to choose, what would it be, spend your life with the man you love, or spend your life with the man who loves you?" It's been nearly four months now and believe it or not, I have still not managed to answer this question! Of all the emotions we feel and learn to feel during our lives, the most intense and complicated one is obviously love. Medical studies prove that a person in love may at some point go into a state of madness (clinical insanity) to prove and receive the love that he or she feels.... scary, huh? Coming back to answering the four month old question... Does it feel good to BE loved, or does it feel better TO love? I suppose for love to be and to survive it has to be both ways; two people who love each other and value the love offered by each other. One way love is meaningless no matter how strongly you feel it inside you. It can only come alive if the one you love returns your love. Just make sure the person you go clinically insane for is worth it!

-JaneBravo

To err is Human... to get even is Divine!

2005-06-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Hey we all get stabbed in the back every once in a while.... its horrible,right? I know! (Been there, felt that) But every once in a while it feels really good to not forgive and infact, stab back! So next time someone steps on your toes, bullies you, crushes your heart to fragments, or uses you like a doormat, I recommend: please get mad, and do get even. Being forgiving is all very nice and angelic, but really face it people we aren't angels, so why pretend?

-JaneBravo

Daddy VS Daughter!

2005-06-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

It was another one of those "look busy, do nothing" kinda days when you just want to go through the day undisturbed, procrastinating to the limit!!! But then can you???? Nooooooooo! Cos Daddy dearest decides this is the day to unload all of life's greatest wisdoms on you, to deal with all the troubles life has managed to spin around your pretty little neck! Girls always make ALL the wrong choices/decisions in their father's eyes. It is (a) because you are a GIRL (b) because you think completely different from his generation, and (c) because you are infact, a GIRL! No matter how you try to make him see it your way he wont.... cos basically there isn't going to ever be a 'your way' and the best way out is to nod and smile frequently and not hurt his feelings or get your heart crushed.

-JaneBravo

janebravo

The Right Kind of Wrongs

My translation of a thousands of desires, each one I could die for...

Step away from the line, and no body gets hurt.

As good as it gets...

Borderline.

Victorious Secret Model

One Hundred Things I Like (in no particular order) -

Aunty Agony - The Aunty #1

Hang, man!

The Three Little Words

Burn, baby, burn.

I am Pakistani.

Life's a Gamble. Let's Ramble.

Ooooh Baby, Baby, it's a Wild World... Just Be Good.

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears? Oh my.

Special is a Big Deal

Life and Something Immortal.

Dearly Departed

Testing... 1 - 2 - 3...

Dancing in the Darkness.

"Only Hope"

JB's Exclusive A to Z of 2009

Heaven Can Wait.

just 4 random thoughts together...

Risk Factors –

A Poison to Love.

Who is John Galt? Is Jane Bravo a little bit like him? She likes to think so…

One Art - by Elizabeth Bishop

i carry your heart with me

Smoke has Substance as it rises from a Fire, just before it blends into the Air…

Random Poem at Midnight...

just a little bit of pixie dust...

L to the O to the V to the E?

Here I am - once again!?

It’s not the crown that makes the Queen.

If I was a tree growing tall and green, all I'd want is for you to shake me, and be my leaves...

Post-Drama/ Post-Trauma

Mother is a VERB - never a noun

Now I lay me down to sleep, a pile of Hate inside I keep...

Women & Children - Health, Death, Disaster?

Love/Luck/Perfection... I'm rambling... thinking out loud... 'scusi moi.

"Please Check Your Parcel Before Receiving"

The Monsters that come out in Karachi

Perfectly Normal

Penny-worth Thoughts...

Reality Check

Stripes or Spots?

Surviving 2007 *phew*

Heart and Nerve and Sinew

"Invictus"

Phenomenal Woman

The words of Ayn Rand

Abstractions

The Soulmate Theory

Karachi, 12-05-2007

Music to my ears ;)

Learning to Love

The Worst Teacher

Erase and Rewind...?

2006... here i come!

Just Like A Prayer

.......

Incomplete

Let the Monsoons begin

Un Bon Serviteur

How bad can a goodbye be???

Judging Jane

Fight Club

Culture Club

Life's like that

To Sir, with love...

Stand By Yourself

Dreamy Treasures

One Way Lovers

To err is Human... to get even is Divine!

Daddy VS Daughter!

Surviving 2007 phew