Mistakes.

Salvadore Dali said, "Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them." 

I didn't have Dali's perspective on mistakes till a few days ago when I sat and reflected on a number of my latest mistakes. Now I'm sitting here pondering the sacred nature of my mistakes. Sacred, really? It was my destiny to make these mistakes... They were a test to make me stronger. Or a lesson to make me grow? Or maybe both. Or neither? A punishment, perhaps? Karma - for something I did in a year ago, or in another lifetime... I don't know.

I skip around years in my mind... trying to remember feelings, thoughts, people, moments... and for every single mistake I remember I have the surety that I never tried to correct a single one. I only remember recognizing my mistakes and doing better afterward. Because real mistakes can't be corrected. If you can correct a mistake, then it wasn't a mistake at all... it was just a badly managed moment or circumstance which you rectified and made good again.
Mistakes in principal don't work this way. You have to live with them till you die. They're kind of like tattoos, etched into you, a little piece of the whole that makes you You.

Rationalize them? This is even harder than the idea that a mistake can be corrected. Not that I could ever figure out how people fix things of that proportion. Like broken glass. You can glue it back together but you might cut your hands in the process... and the glass will look different, nor will it ever serve its original purpose. So can we agree, fixing a mistake is a mistake too?

It's not possible: there just isn't any rationale behind some things we do, or are capable of doing, there is no logical explanation for the person we become at certain points in our life, the triggers, the drivers inside us are so unknown to us that we act completely out of character, defy the patterns which make up our entire life's trajectory, cancel out the values we claim to live by, break the boundaries we hold so high.
The only rationale is to be brave enough to admit - I am human.

I've seen people blame mistakes on their childhood, on some emotional parental residue, on lack of finances, or having too much money... it's a long, dull, unimaginative, endless list. A list of excuses. A list to shift the responsibility. When in truth you did what you did because you wanted to do it. Period. Be honest. The thing about telling the truth is, it doesn't make sense. It has the power to hurt people. It has the potential to get you into trouble. Which is why we try so hard to rationalize our mistakes.
But... there is no logic in truth.
Truth is truth.
That's it.

Why do people want to be the victim despite being the villain, why do they want that sort of sympathy after making a mistake which they were fully aware they were making?
I read "Understand them thoroughly" and Carl Jung pops into my head with "Understanding does not cure evil..." 

My best teacher is my last mistake.
Who is yours?

The Story of Me

Someone asked me "What's your story?"

And my whole story came flooding to my mind. 

I don't think about it often, but I never forget it either. 

It's my root, my core, and all of me, every molecule, every facet stems from there. And it's such a long story, with so many people, in so many places. 

But that's not important. 

What's important is, my story has always inspired me. I've never been disappointed by my story. 

By events in my life, sure, disappointment is part of life. But the whole story is just amazing. 

From the baby girl who was born in February during a snowstorm in Quetta at an Army hospital, to the woman I am today. I've seen so much of life, some of it I never want to see again. And other moments which move me with such blinding feelings, of love, of a Higher Power, of the goodness of people, of Karma.

My earliest memory is when I was (maybe) 5. 

It's not summer yet. Karachi afternoon. I'm in the backyard at my grandfather's house. It looks like miles and miles of grass, even though it's just an ordinary garden. But I guess everything seems exaggerated when you're little. I'm wearing a red sweater, with a monkey's face on it. The monkey is blue and yellow. He has plastic eyes. The kind with a white base and transparent cover, with a small round black disc inside which moves when you move. My aunt who's just started college comes out. She's so beautiful. She's holding a silver, shiny, round steel bowl. "Michi, dekho meine kya banaya hai!"

I'm so excited, I think it's food.

I look at the bowl and it looks like watery mud, the kind that's on the side of the lawn after it rains. "Mujhe nahin khana..."

She laughs and looks even more beautiful, then sits on the veranda steps. Puts the bowl on her side, and reaches out to take me into her arms. I love hugs, I go willingly. I notice there are sticks in the mud in the bowl. She makes me sit on her leg and takes a stick out of the mud. Then takes my hand and starts drawing on it with the muddy stick. I try to pull my hand back but she tells me not to and I listen. She promises me something amazing will happen, I believe her. Some time later, a drawing of the monkey on my shirt is on my palm. I am mesmerized by it. I didn't know then, but that mud in the bowl was Henna.

And this memory has nothing to do with the whole story, the amazing story of my life, the story which inspires me, which inspires me every day, and makes me who I am. 

Life Lessons, 2016

“Time has a wonderful way to show us what really matters.” 

- Margaret Peters

Here are 5 lessons I learned this year as life happened to me.

Keep your people. 

The people you'd fight for. The people who make up your life, your day, your existence. The people who are your people. The people you'd take to war with you, the ones you bet on and the ones you will protect with everything you have in you. The people you love in every sense of the word, and who love you unconditionally. They've seen you at your worst. Keep them close, love them, tell them you love them. Do it often.

No one is God. 

Don't waste your time and energy trying to impress people. Don't do anything to impress anyone. You don't need to do that, they don't care and it doesn't help you in any way. Focus on being yourself. Be yourself. Be honest, and kind, and do good things as often as you can. Be a better version of yourself every single day. 

Feelings don't need permission. 

You don't need to ask people whether you can love them, miss them, dream of them. You can do all that without permission. Just make sure they are worth so much of your feelings.

Crying is good. 

Grieve about the things that upset you, hurt you, scare you, tire you. Get it all out. Instead of keeping it in and letting it fester. The sooner you grieve about it the sooner you will be able to forget it and move on to think of happier things in your life.

Live today. 

Life is too short. Don't go crazy trying to plan your future. Planning is good. Secure your future. Save. Stay healthy. Be responsible. But remember to find a balance between doing what you have to do and doing what you want to do. There is no other way to do justice to this life. Don't waste your time completing a checklist someone else gave you.

Think Pink, Save Yourself.

Uzma,
2 years after being diagnosed.
She lost all her hair
but kept her chin up.

The nurse told me which ward Uzma was in. I walked to it and entered, I looked at all the patients but couldn't see her on any of the beds. "I'm here, Beautiful", she called out. I heard the familiar voice behind me, but as I turned to look at her I found a face and body I couldn't recognize. It was an old woman, various drips injecting her arms, and the tube in her nose to help her breathe. Stunned, I quickly put a smile on my face and walked toward her. I hugged her, softly, I was afraid I'd hurt her. "You didn't recognize me, haina?" she asked, smiling. I changed the subject. 

This is when Uzma's battle with Cancer had just begun. She fought like a true warrior, but when it was her time to go, we all had to accept it, including her. 

I remember getting the message from her one day when she was diagnosed with 4th stage. She had been at work and the pain in her upper back had gotten so bad she decided to get it checked. It turned out she had Breast Cancer. I always wonder, if only we had traced it before, would things go differently. Would my darling, beautiful friend still be with me, still be alive?

I'm writing today to appreciate Chugtai Lab's efforts to create awareness on Breast Cancer nationwide with a drive called #ThinkPink. This is so important, and we don't talk about Breast Cancer enough with our girls, young women. Which is why this step towards creating awareness and educating Pakistani people (men and women) about Breast Cancer and the benefits of early detection is a great initiative.

There are many myths surrounding Breast Cancer which need to be broken. As Dr. Sehba Arji, a Pathologist says, "If you're above 20, you need to examine yourself monthly". I agree.

We must never take our health lightly, as Muniba Mazari, Head of CSR at Chugtai Lab, insists: young women and all women in general, must take their health seriously, "Breast Cancer is a topic that is hardly talked about by men or women. It is because of this societal taboo that many women keep suffering for a long period of time until the Cancer reaches a stage where it becomes harder to treat that it would initially have been." How sad. Don't let it be you, or someone you love.

The Chugtai Lab Team at one of the #ThinkPink Karachi sessions

While I firmly believe that there is a time for each of us to go, I don't like the idea of "going" painfully. Uzma spent 4 years fighting the Cancer which started in her breasts, then went on to her lungs, then her liver, then her brain. If only it had been traced at an early stage and treated, perhaps my darling friend would still be with me, alive, healthy, and smiling that beautiful smile. May she forever rest in peace, amen.

Breast Cancer is treatable, but early detection is key. 

Check your boobs now, please... #ThinkPink

Error 404: People.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of stupidity. And mediocre thoughts.
I'm tired of fake gestures. And I'm exhausted with false words which lead to actions which are just for show and tell.
I'm tired of lies, of hidden agendas, of people using people like tools.
I'm tired of people who are afraid to fail, they will never learn to fly.
I'm tired of people who want recognition because they think they deserve it, not because they've earned it.
I'm tired of cheats and copycats.
I'm tired of people who try to buy respect with money, I judge them.
I'm tired of rich people who are arrogant and poor people who are greedy.
I'm tired of people giving people false hopes. I'm tired of witnessing broken dreams.
I'm tired of people not making up their mind about what they want to do, where they want to be.
I'm tired of the things people do just to hurt others because their egos are bigger than their hearts.
I'm tired of fearful men and women, who don't understand the meaning of living fearlessly, of living true.
I'm tired of seeing things done without passion, things which mean nothing, which are nothing, which will never amount to anything, and which add no real value to anyone or anything, ever.
I'm tired of time wasted. I'm tired of people stuck in the past, stuck in a place they can never get out of nor ever change. I feel sorry for them.
I'm tired of average experiences, which are a waste of money, which bring no joy, which amount to nothing more than a Facebook post, to show the world you did something, you ate something, you went somewhere, you bought something.
I'm tired of ordinary conversations about the weather.
I'm tired of below average work.
I'm tired of rude people with bad attitudes.
I'm tired of people who use their mobile phone while driving, there needs to be stricter punishment for that.
I'm tired of poor customer services, and people who break queues.
I'm tired of broken roads and late buses.
I'm tired of the feeling of negativity that most people carry around with them and distribute to infect other people with more negativity.
I'm tired of people who can't make up their mind because they are too selfish and they think they can have it all.
I'm tired of late replies. I'm tired of half-assed gestures. And when people say things only because they think that's what the other person wants to hear.
I'm tired of seeing people heartbroken because they dared to love something... or love someone.
I'm tired of people who are miserable because they were afraid to leave their comfort zone.
I'm tired of hearing about women, men, children being killed in the name of religion.
I'm tired of failed systems.
I'm tired of arguments. I'm tired of people who talk loudly but say nothing valuable or positive.
I'm tired of people who stay silent and become part of the problem rather than fix it.
I'm tired of labels that people give each other out of their own insecurities.

I'm tired of people.

The Freedom To Celebrate.

I remember some intelligent lady called Susan, said, "Independence is Happiness." I like that; possibly one of the best ways to describe freedom for me, because I was born with a crazy-fierce need for independence. 

Despite my lifelong struggle to come to terms with many things 'Pakistani", I am and will always remain a patriot. Having recently relocated to a foreign land, I celebrated 14th August remotely. And though I missed the silly boys, with their sans-silencer motorbikes creating noise and havoc all around Seaview in Karachi, pictures and videos of the festivities in the city and at Dolmen Mall made my heart happily go green.




As the city morphed itself to represent the colours of Pakistan, Dolmen Mall created a whole new flavour of patriotism with fun and festivities.

Dolmen, Pakistan's first international standard mall, has always pioneered every major national celebration, and offered something for everyone from any walk of life. This time their theme 'Dolmen Loves Pakistan' spun the concept of #HamariPehchan, letting people get into the spirit of Independence Day and celebrating their Pakistani-ness. Across three malls, Clifton, Tariq Road, and Hyderi, the Dolmen team rocked it like a true Green Team!

Ludo cushions, a chai dhabba, funky coloured peshawari chappals, flags, badges, and more... A weekend packed with patriotic glamour and glory... and everything green and white.  

Living in a time where there is so much uncertainty and negativity surrounding our identity as a nation, we wanted to celebrate the achievements and entertainment aspects of Pakistan which we are known for. These things are relatable to the older as well as the younger generation of this country and they need to be celebrated. This is what makes us proud as Pakistanis. 

- Anum Nadeem, Marketing Head, Dolmen Group 

 I loved seeing it all over social media, I loved the sense of "togetherness" in the photos people were sharing. And above all else, I loved the sense of freedom to celebrate.
May peace prevail, long live Pakistan.
Amen.

Coke Studio Season 9 - features Amjad Sabri

There's something special about Coke Studio Season 9, and I think this one will be remembered for a long time to come. It features Amjab Sabri, the world famous Pakistani qawaal who passed away tragically just a few days ago (may he rest in peace). In what is probably the last studio recording, Amjad Sabri together with Rahat Fateh Ali Khan read the qawwali, Aj Rang Hai. I have no doubt it will be awesome.

Although Amjad Sabri did not feature in previous seasons of Coke Studio, Tajdar e Haram was performed in Season 8 last year by Atif Aslam, as a tribute to the original performers, Ghulam Farid Sabri and Maqbool Ahmed Sabri. Amjad Sabri had also helped Coke Studio on this rendition. The rendition gained worldwide fame with over 33 million views on digital media. Speaking about his kalaam during the recording in May, the late Amjad Sabri had stated, “About 40 years ago, my father and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan read this kalaam at a dargah in Karachi and 40 years later, Rahat and I are reading it again (on Coke Studio Season 9).”

“Coke Studio is the ultimate manifestation of Coca-Cola’s music strategy and Season 9 will further strengthen Coca-Cola’s cultural leadership, celebrating diversity while bridging barriers relevant to the youth of today,” stated Rizwan U. Khan, General Manager of Coca-Cola Pakistan, and added, “It is very distressing that Amjad Sabri himself will not be with all of us to see Season 9 go on air in August. His death is a huge national loss.”

The vast talent on the music direction and production side will be matched in Season 9 by a dazzling array of artists, many of whom have performed in previous Coke Studio seasons, as well as several upcoming and talented singers performing for the first time in Coke Studio. While national icons who have performed previously include the likes of Abida Parveen, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Sanam Marvi, Umair Jaswal, QB, Saieen Zahoor, Ali Azmat, Noori, Zeb Bangash, Faakhir and Meesha Shafi to name a few, the new artists include Shilpa Rao, Mehwish Hayat, Momina Mustehsan, Natasha Khan, Ali Khan, Rizwan Butt, Basit, Rachel Viccaji, Nirmal Roy and of course the maestro of qawwali, Amjad Sabri.

The unrivaled success of Coke Studio over the years in connecting deeply and emotionally with the people and especially the youth, is evident from its immense digital footprint with 6.3 million fans on Facebook, more than 170 million YouTube views and 7.5 million plus audio streams. It is viewed by fans in some 150 countries and has been exported to 20 countries. In Pakistan it has proved to be a unique platform for high profile projection of everyone associated with the music industry, including singers, back up vocalists, composers, producers, musicians and technical persons of every possible specialty, without whose invaluable contribution no Season could have been produced.

I was fortunate enough to see Amjad Sabri perform live twice in the last few years. He had an energy which kept the listeners connected to the words and music for hours, stirring spiritual feelings and emotions, moving many to tears. It is a sad loss for Pakistan indeed. I can't wait to watch the maestro in his final recording for Coke Studio 9. Aj Rang Hai, written by the poet Amir Khusro (if I am not mistaken) is a beautiful qawaali about love... 

Aaj rung hai hey maan rung hai ri

Moray mehboob kay ghar rang hai ri
Sajan milaavra, sajan milaavra,
Sajan milaavra moray aangan ko
Aaj rung hai...

And may we never forget the messages of love which music brings us, and may we continue to respect each other's ways of life and diversity in Pakistan.

Peace.

-JB