A Poison to Love.

There are Poisons in this life that go beyond the realm of our supposed reality.

Life will offer them to you. And you will accept them for the headiness they bring to your body, and for how they make your heart beat faster. The vessel that holds them is mesmerizing too, and the scent so passionate that you can’t get enough of it in fast enough. You’re afraid. You hold yourself back as long as you can...

Till the day you yearn for it so badly that you can bear the wanting no more, making you dive like the lost girl who wanted to go to the bottom of the sea to find what was reflecting on the glittering surface of it in the dark. She didn’t know it was a mirage. It was just the moonlight playing tricks, teasing her, daring her… come closer...

As you raise the poison to your lips and sip it, you’re scared; you drink it in a little at a time. You feel like everything's under control; that’s when you impatiently gulp it down – like a big bite that chokes you, which you can’t chew, nor swallow.

That, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the Point of No-Return - When you take that leap, it slides into your life, Life as you remember it changes; in every way...

It gets into your system so fast, you hardly feel it seeping in. It’s only a matter of time before you realize it; it's too late to rectify now. These are strange poisons, like magical spells that can not be undone. It won't instantly kill you, it'll live within you. The minute you try to drain it out, you will die. It’s deep in your blood, gotten into your heart. It’s in You. It becomes You, and You become it. It controls you. You live for it, it feeds on you to live. You become something else. Someone you don’t know about, someone you don’t really want to be, someone you don't know how to be... yet, you are this mutant thing fallen from grace for the sake of Love. Neither dead nor alive, like a stone, with just this poison gushing in your veins taking you through each day, your senses heightened, the pleasure, the pain like multiple waves, hitting against you on the inside one after the other... You live from then on with the knowledge that letting the poison out will turn you to dust. You will be nothing but smoke as it rises and blends into the air…

“I know about the antidote that will free me of my pain,
But I cannot owe indebtedness to the one who breaks the chain…”

- JB

Who is John Galt? Is Jane Bravo a little bit like him? She likes to think so…

I speak my mind; Because I know what I feel, when I feel it, how I feel it.

Don’t let my words hurt you; know that they are only my opinions and my thoughts. And that I offer them when you ask me, ‘What do you think?’
I can’t not-say what I am feeling!

That would be disrespecting myself and also disrespecting who I am saying it to.

How can that be a good thing? Is it not better then, to speak your mind!? Isn’t that what ‘free will’ is all about. To know who you are, and know exactly what you mean when you say it. Why sugar-coat things? Why lie? Why should one say things that one does not feel, does not own -things that one does not mean. Such meaningless things are of no significance. They are unimportant.

Why not tell it like it is – my perception of it?
I will speak my mind. Understand that.

If you don’t like me - I won’t say things to make you like me. Because then I am not being me, and you are reinforcing that you don’t/wont/cant like the REAL me.
I believe – and I have proof (proof is important, it leaves no room for doubts) - the people who matter to me, and who I matter to: will love me/ like me/ need me/ want me - for who I AM, and for the way I am. Just as I love them back. I never expect anyone to change their nature; they never expect me to change mine. My true loves and deepest friendships are based on this mechanism. My tribe (my people, those who own me, those who are mine) is my proof - for me to know this system works in my world.
The people who don’t get me and my words – I am not trying to insult you. If you ask me a question you should be prepared to hear what I feel – simply because when you ask me ‘What do you think?’ - I will tell you precisely that!

I’m a bitter pill to swallow, but I am the better drug – I never give you a fake high. Like a circle in the sand – never-ending. I am what I say am, I am what I do, I am what I see, what I paint, what I write, I am what I love – and it’s all real, it’s all the real ME.

So next time you want the whole truth and nothing but the truth – ask me.
If you can’t handle my version of the truth – it’s ok, but don’t expect me to lie. Accept this.

Coming back to my concept of Free Will – Ayn Rand said it exactly the way I embrace it - “That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character.”

Happy Independence Day!
May you all be emancipated ;)

-JB

One Art - by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I absolutely LOVED this poem.

We can accept losing things - sometimes we are meant to lose.

Accept it, and don't let it feel like a disaster, even though that is what it feels like - we all lose our place, and the people we love sometimes - but, the 'art of losing isn't too hard to master'...

Sometimes pain is inevitable - but suffering is optional...

I hope you learnt to master the One Art... I'm still practicing - losing, and 'losing farther, losing faster' and not letting it seem like disaster...

- JB