Why Jane Bravo?

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One dark and boring night in 2005, sitting alone thinking about life and how weird it is, Sarah Dawood/ Drama wrote her first blogpost as Jane Bravo. What started out as a private ranting space, slowly and gradually evolved into the current blog, which talks about many events, things, and feelings. Just like all of Sarah's other social media platforms, also about many events, things, and feelings --- Instagram: thesarahdawood | snapchat: thesarahdawood | twitter: @SarahDawood | facebook: /groups/TheCoddiwomple

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Life's a Gamble. Let's Ramble.


No one said it would be easy - this Life...
But I don't remember anyone ever saying it could be so hard either.
Life has often made me feel like a sideline - I'm like the extra item on someone's plate. I'm the baked potato or the salad - that comes with the deal. You didn't really need it on your plate, but it's there, so you'll have it with the rest of your meal anyway.

I go through life making mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. Each one grander than the last - I make mistakes all the time. Big ones, small ones, stupid ones, damaging ones, irresponsible ones... I make lots and lots and lots of mistakes - mistakes here, there, and everywhere...

I go through life making the same mistakes - over and over and over... I am such a fool. I cry, I bleed, I hurt, I fall, I scream, I run, I crumble, and tumble, and am often lost - over and over and over again. Why do I never learn? Good question, and no answer.

What hurts the most? I don't know. All I know is that I hurt, inside and outside - and on the inside of the inside: like, my soul hurts, my soul cries, and bleeds - there is so much pain that it numbs me to everything else - it is like someone switched all my senses off - the physical ones and the other ones.

I go through all my mistakes - and I am standing at a breaking point right now... indecisive, and lost. I am willing myself, I am patting myself on the back, I am hooting myself on - 'You can do it, baby!' and I'm hoping that I will not make anymore mistakes that hurt so hard... I am hoping that somehow someday at some point I will see how I didn't make the mistakes, that the mistakes made ME.

So, go on, Life, make a Fool of me again. Go on, Love, break my Soul again. Go on, Hope, save my Thoughts again. Go on, Dreams, help me Live again. Go on, Fate, make my Plans again. Go on Nerves, hold me tight again. And go on, Heart... be of Gold again.
-JB

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