Hold it.

I was laughing and smiling and dying inside. Parts of me were hurting badly, out of fear and exhaustion, and all I could think of was holding your hand. And you just couldn't do it.

I so badly needed you to hold my hand.

Just remember not to hold my hand when I'm dying.
I don't want to then.
It will make no difference at that time, to me. It will be for you, when I'm dying and you want to hold my hand, it will be to make you feel better, like you helped me in a difficult moment. So, don't.

Hold my hand now, today, this week, now - when I'm alive. When I need to know you're there, and when I need to know you're holding my hand. When I need to know you are there with me.

When I'm dying it will mean nothing to me that you were holding my hand.
It won't make me feel better then.

~ JB